I'm a failure as a mother
Somehow I've completely botched this whole 'parent' thing. I just don't know where I went wrong. If I knew the exact moment in time that I started to veer off the path to being a good parent, I would change it in a heartbeat.
This morning I'm standing in the bathroom getting ready for work. I'm a little frustrated already. Zach first wouldn't get out of bed. I had to eventually yell at him to get up and get motivated. It was 15 minutes to go and we'd be out the door. I turn to hang a towel back up that he left laying in the middle of the floor, and that's when I lost it. He had pee'd all over the toilet seat and didn't even bother to flush the toilet. I wanted to just kill him. So fricking lazy that he couldn't even pick up the seat!! Pee on the toilet seat, pee on the floor, pee splashed all over the place. Instant rage. I yell down the stairs at the kids because they are running around out of control.
I go downstairs intending on having Zach march his little but back up there and clean his mess when I see the mess downstairs. An entire bag of cheese popcorn is laying in the middle of my living room. Now I'm screaming. I've lost it. What makes me even angrier, my 11 year old standing there looking me in the eye and telling me he's not going to clean up the mess. Thomas pushed him and the bag fell when he went to push him back.
Now, I work my butt off everyday to keep that house in order. I work my butt off everyday at work to pay the damn bills. You would think that he would see this and learn from it. Maybe even take pity on me. Wrong!! I bought him a new jacket last Thursday. I found it this morning laying on the ground by my jeep. It laid there on the ground all week end, eventually getting soaked this morning when it started to thunderstorm.
I swear, at times, I think I'm going to lose my mind. I try so hard.
I've done nothing but think about what an absolute failure I've been to create such a horrible monster. I've come to some really eye opening conclusions.
This morning I'm standing in the bathroom getting ready for work. I'm a little frustrated already. Zach first wouldn't get out of bed. I had to eventually yell at him to get up and get motivated. It was 15 minutes to go and we'd be out the door. I turn to hang a towel back up that he left laying in the middle of the floor, and that's when I lost it. He had pee'd all over the toilet seat and didn't even bother to flush the toilet. I wanted to just kill him. So fricking lazy that he couldn't even pick up the seat!! Pee on the toilet seat, pee on the floor, pee splashed all over the place. Instant rage. I yell down the stairs at the kids because they are running around out of control.
I go downstairs intending on having Zach march his little but back up there and clean his mess when I see the mess downstairs. An entire bag of cheese popcorn is laying in the middle of my living room. Now I'm screaming. I've lost it. What makes me even angrier, my 11 year old standing there looking me in the eye and telling me he's not going to clean up the mess. Thomas pushed him and the bag fell when he went to push him back.
Now, I work my butt off everyday to keep that house in order. I work my butt off everyday at work to pay the damn bills. You would think that he would see this and learn from it. Maybe even take pity on me. Wrong!! I bought him a new jacket last Thursday. I found it this morning laying on the ground by my jeep. It laid there on the ground all week end, eventually getting soaked this morning when it started to thunderstorm.
I swear, at times, I think I'm going to lose my mind. I try so hard.
I've done nothing but think about what an absolute failure I've been to create such a horrible monster. I've come to some really eye opening conclusions.
- By giving him all the things in life that I can, I've made it way to easy on him. He does not know what it's like to really really want something, and be grateful when he gets it. Birthdays and Christmas don't have special meaning when you get stuff all the time.
- When I lose my temper and yell, he wins. I become the villain, and he is vindicated. I will no longer be losing my temper. I will from now on be cool, calm, and collected. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. He pee'd on the seat, he will now clean the entire bathroom tonight when he gets home from school.
- I hate this new attitude of his. It really sucks. I cried on my way to work this morning because I am just at my wits end. I will no longer feel guilty because he is sullen and argumentative. When he chooses to argue, I'll stop the conversation and tell him to come back when he can be respectful. Hence forth, I will also do the same.
Yikes! This became a very long drawn out post. I just needed to get it off my chest.
Day 4 without Charlie, I have nobody to complain to, I'm stuck complaining in my blog.
@ 9:12 AM
8 Comments:
It' not just you. Most kids seem to think they live in a hotel/restaurant and they just have to lay/sit around and be waited on.
Oh, Sherri! You're not a bad mother! It's just that Zach is a pre-teen, and all pre-teens act that way. Didn't you act that way? I did. (Or I tried, that is.) The hard part for you is being consistent about not putting up with it. A barely related example: I recently ordered a scarf for my aunt, but the company sent the wrong one. I still haven't called to complain or sent it back or anything. I'm even considering just giving her the one they sent because I don't want to deal with it. Sigh. That's exactly what you can't do with kids. Obviously, you already know that, but it doesn't make the issue any easier to deal with. I feel for you.
I just don't know if I can handle it sometimes. :(
I'm a 31 year old stressed out basket case. Although, food for thought, when my grandma was 32, her first grandchild was born. Things could be a whole lot worse for me.
I sure hope I live to see 21! LOL
Just think, I have to go through this all over again with my 2 year old.
Ok Sherri I don't have any kids but I was once an 11 year old boy (ahhhhh the memories). You have to remember that he is only 11! It's his job to be a nuisance. It was what he was born to do best, lol.
Just give him time and he will grow out of it. I'm figuring that by the age of 35 if he still hasn't matured I would be seeking professional advice.
Sounds like you were a holy terror Gareth. :D
Hope, another blogger, said that when her daughter begins using a certain tone with her that she makes the daughter recite the Pledge of Allegiance until the tone is better. Maybe you could try something like that. Anytime he acts up, he has to recite something to you.
The recitation thing sounds like a great idea. Really, though, you just need to discipline him, and not give in at any time. Give in once, and it's over. You lose. Kids need boundaries. Kids also need responsibility. I know what you're going through. It can be tough. Mine are only 5 and 2, but they can be just as much trouble. Yelling won't solve it though. I think you're plan of action will work, but don't back down from it.
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