Miss me??

Boy, it's been a while, hasn't it. I've definitely got to get back into my blogging routine again. I miss it.

Do people still blog anymore?

It has been my curse for many years that people tend to divulge all sorts of information to me, most of which I'd never care to know to begin with. The hardest part of being a fashionista is the fact that I'm now forced to small talk my way through sales and keep husbands and boyfriends occupied while their wives and girlfriends wander through the store looking for the latest styles.

On Wednesday I waited on a man and his wife who were shopping for an outfit for the wife to wear to a wedding.

In the period of time it took for the wife to try on a few outfits and use the bathroom I learned that the husband had been a single dad, his wife had left him when his 2 kids were 8 and 11, he had been a respiratory therapist up until November when he came down with a respiratory disease, he had been mistaken for Hank Williams Jr. on several occasions in the past, he had formerly sported long black hair that drove the women wild, and he had only been married to his current wife for 2 years.

I think he may have been trying to hit on me, actually. Yikes!

The store manager happened to be standing by the register when the husband went into his detailed account of his Hank Williams Jr. days. I could see her, through the corner of my eye, staring openly at this guy in disbelief, mouth agape.

Apparently nobody EVER tells her the intimate details of their every day life. I told her she was lucky.

A Guy Named Al

Have you ever looked off into the distance and found a set of eyes staring back at you?

I was in Walmart earlier today picking up a few items when I came across a friend of mine from previous employment. Like I do with everyone I see that I used to work with, we chatted for about 10 minutes catching up on new endeavors and changes that have happened in our lives since we all lost our jobs. It was at the tail end of the conversation that my sight line drifted off into the distance.

Intending on staring off into space for a moment before saying my farewell, my attention was immediately grabbed by a man standing by the deli counter staring at me.

At first I couldn't place the face. How do I know this guy? His face so familiar to me that I just knew I knew him from somewhere, yet, I had no idea where! I wondered if he were thinking the same thing.

I was almost at the register when it hit me.

He and I worked at McDonald's together, many MANY moons ago, and he had developed a crush on me at some point. Although I never really had any feelings for this guy, I did keep a straw wrapper he had tossed at me and glued it into a scrapbook I was keeping at the time.

Black Tuesday

Not a single, solitary sale today....

I hate days like that. The minutes seem to just crawl by, 3 hours feels like an eternity.

Phone Lady was in again today, with all her usual charm and grace. After greeting her in my required 60 second time frame I was curtly told she was just window shopping and she immediately pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number. Her conversation could be heard across the store, but Phone Lady never cares, her only mission in life is to prove to others how important she is via the cell phone.

"May I try these on please?" Phone Lady asked, holding out a few clearance items she had snagged from a rack.

"Sure, let me start a fitting room for you," I smiled, totally faking it. This woman is a pain in the ass every time she frequents the store.

Several moments pass when I hear Phone Lady asking for my assistance. She is peeking out the fitting room door and asking me if I can exchange some capri pants for her, she is looking for a size 12.

Size 12?

I look at her, look at the size 10 capri pants she has given me, and I have to fight to keep opinions to myself.

The woman is CLEARLY not a size 12, she would have to drop half her body weight to be a size 12.

"This woman is totally in denial," I laugh, rolling my eyes, and head over to the clearance rack.

"You're starting to catch on to things around here," Bev says, chuckling over my comment.

Needless to say, Phone Lady did not actually find anything that fit her 'just right' today.

A fashionista in the making?

Once again I've taken on the task of cleaning out my closet.

Or, should I say black hole?

I've quickly discovered my closet could easily pass for a vortex of no return. The deeper I go, the scarier it gets. At one point I thought I had unearthed Jimmy Hoffa......

It was amazing to discover that I actually have an entire empty shelf once I removed the mountain of discarded price tags and accumulated buttons and extra lengths of thread that accompany each new article of clothing you purchase.

The one highlight of the experience was when Baby Fashionista came hobbling out of my closet with a pair of nylons draped around her shoulders like a scarf and a silver ballet sandal on each foot.

Like Mother, like daughter....

Late for Class

For the first time since the semester began, Mr. WS was actually 5 minutes early for class today.

Oddly enough, half the class was not there yet.

After making an initial observation about how several people were not there yet, I curtly commented it was probably because he's always late for class.

"I'm never late for class," he replied.

"You've been late every time," I returned. The whole class was silent. I really don't think anyone knew what to do.

"Well," he looked at the clock, then looked at his computer screen, dismissing me.

Several moments pass before the rest of the class showed up, each one with a startled look of surprise on their face upon discovering Mr. WS was ontime today and they were the ones who were late.

Who knows, now that he's gotten the hang of 'being on time' he may decide to branch out and actually create a syllabus for us too.

Rockin' Roberta

A pint sized pixie with the temper of a hell cat.....

That would be Rockin' Roberta.

Up until today, I had never seen her get mad before. I didn't think it was even possible, to be honest. Mild mannered, nasal voiced, easy going Roberta... But, oh yes, Rockin' Roberta does indeed get mad!

In her usual 'in your face' manner Stretch hit the store full force today. From the minute she got there she was like a sales glutton, snatching up every customer who graced our front step. When she wasn't stealing customers she was knit picking Roberta's every last moved.

I could practically hear the snap as the final straw hit Roberta's back causing her to instantly cut loose and unleash a wrath on Stretch that had even me wincing and cowering in the corner like a scolded puppy.

Way to go Roberta!!

Failed

I failed my first test today. I'm so upset!

They bring a teacher in who has never been a teacher before and expect her to teach? This is not cool....

Well, at least I know what to expect next time.

Those who can, do, those who can't, teach.....

The more I sit in his class, the more I realize Mr. White String is a complete buffoon.

After the jump drive fiasco last week, I decided to hit the bookstore this morning and get a drive with more storage space. This time I was going to be prepared!

As usual, Mr. WS was 5 minutes late for class leaving me enough time, or so I thought, to tear open the packaging and get a peek at the drive.

I couldn't have been more mistaken.

Upon discovering I needed a jack-hammer to pry my way into this thing, I cried out in frustration and ripped at the plastic with my teeth. Naturally, it was wasted effort on my part.

It was at about this point that Mr. WS lumbered his way down the hall and removed his Horatio Cain sunglasses at the classroom door.

"Am I late?" he laughed, his huge belly bouncing up and down.

No response.

"Do you have any scissors?" I piped up when we got into the room.

"I have no idea. What do you need scissors for?" He was standing at his desk staring in my direction.

"To cut," I could hear sarcasm in my voice. I immediately chastised myself inwardly.

"I've got a knife, I always carry a blade," Mr. WS was digging into his front pocket.

"A blade?? Good lord, are we that scary you need to carry a little protection?" I laughed, I couldn't help it. I was being a total bitch. "Or, is that for when you catch someone stealing your lunch?"

"You never know when you might need a pocket knife," Mr. WS was laughing, but I'm certain I embarrassed him. Other women in class were now snickering and making comments. Picking up my jump drive, he sliced the end of the package open and proceeded to drop both my jump drive and his knife on my desk where it then bounced onto the floor.

Thank God he isn't a surgeon.

Misguided Shoppers and their Frumpy Friends

Why, oh WHY do people trust the opinion of the fashion victim friend over the fashionably chic sales girl at retail stores???

Egads!

What on earth makes you think that they, the woman who looks like she has just rolled out of bed, placed a bowl on her head and cut her own hair, is going to be able to give you any sort of advice worth following? About the only thing you will skillfully learn is how to consume the most food at a buffet style restaurant, the best place to buy mumu style tops, and the secret to cramming a 400lb body into the cab of an s-10 truck.

I waited on a woman last night who easily looked 10 years older then she was. The reason? Her severe hairstyle and frumpy clothes. I soon learned why this woman chose to do this to herself. Her shopping partner, a woman who could have given the Crypt Keeper a run for his money, a woman who didn't even wear a bra that day and openly admitted it at the fitting room, was her sole inlet for fashion advice.

Personal comfort zone..... INVADED

I had Mr. White String's class again today.....

Thankfully, no string. But, my comfort zone was soon challenged, once again, in class.

About a million years ago I bought my first jump drive. Up until now, it has always been more than large enough to accomodate any of my classes.

Until today.

The first task in class today was to copy several files of information to our jump drives so we would be able to bring our work home with us and have all the information necessary at hand. As I was right in the middle of my download the window popped up telling me I didn't have enough storage space to house the info. Feeling like an idiot, I brought this to the attention of Mr. White String who, incidently, came right over to my desk with his giant belly hovering within mere milimeters of me. His left hand was grasping the back of my chair, his right hand grasping my mouse.

I could feel his breath on my cheek has he told me my jump drive must be pretty old because he hadn't seen one with such limited storage space in a loooooooooooooong time.

If I could have, I would have crawled into a crack and disappeared.

From that point forward he made it a point to make eye contact with me throughout the rest of the lecture.

I think he may feel I am a moron.