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Sunday, June 12, 2005

I'm Bored

I'm bored. So bored, in fact, that I've spent the last half hour taking stupid internet quizzes on 'if I were a color, what color would I be.......' etc. Incidentally, I was a green.

Friday at work Bob came back to tell me about 3 parts that were being shipped Saturday delivery, UPS. He wanted to make sure they got received and processed for the AI build. I stood and talked to him for about a half hour, just basic things about the visit, about who was taking Sandy's job, just little things. In the conversation, we of course ended up talking about the total fiasco that happened during my presentation. He kept saying "You wouldn't look at me, I was trying to point to the AQL sheet" and "I elbowed Rick and told him to save you" and "I knew you were just nervous". As much as I hate to admit it, it sounded to me like he was being genuine, and did want to see me succeed. I hate myself for this, but, I'm going to let my guard down, just a little. I also noticed one other thing.

All of the stuff that I have been thinking and imagining and speculating about the new SQE are totally off the mark. I no longer think he hates me. Don't get me wrong, I still believe he may be gay. But, I don't think he hates me. I think he may be jealous of me though. And not for the reasons that I initially thought. While I was talking to Bob, the SQE was on the other side of the table from us, and, not once was he acknowledged by Bob. We stood and talked and I didn't even notice a thing. Then, when Bob looked and seen that we were inspecting the prox probes again, he asked if that was the new supplier. I said yes, showed him one of the defective components, and it immediately hit me. I looked over at Dave, and I totally knew. He was intentionally left out by the both of us. We were discussing an issue that was totally his issue. So, I said to Dave, "Dave, you know more about this than I do, why don't you fill Bob in on the issue." That's all it took. He was given his dignity back. That was all that he really ever needed. After that, he was a chatterbox working with us. He mentioned how our area was the only place he really got any training. I felt bad. He was intimidated by me, so much so that he avoided me. Not because I'm horrible, or, an idiot. But, because of the knowledge and respect I have earned from my fellow coworkers. When he is with me, he feels like a sidekick of sorts. People tend to just ignore the fact that he is there.

I have decided, I will no longer let this happen. I will make a conscious effort to include him in on the conversations that I have as long as he happens to be working an issue with me. I will not exclude him out of habit. (Habit picked up from working with Bob.)

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