Save me from myself......

...before they have to haul me out of this place with a fork lift. I have done nothing but eat since I got here today.

I can see it now...

(Perfectly coiffed news woman with a plastic smile plastered across her face sitting at a news desk) "In today's news, woman dies of chocolate overload, details at 11:00." (Picture of a humongous me, slumped back in a recliner, candy wrappers littering the floor is displayed behind her.)

It is actually Fred's 80th birthday today, so, the sweets are everywhere. Naturally, everyone under the sun wants you to try their goodies.

I have just 2 things to say about this.

First, when I'm 80, I hope to God I'm not trucking my butt back and forth to work everyday. If there is any hope left out there for me, I'll be retired somewhere in a nice warm climate with my lotto winnings safely tucked away in my secret account.

Second, why do people make such a big deal out of it when you turn down their home made goodies? Come on! If I've already eaten a brownie, a piece of cake, and home made fudge, the last thing on earth that I want to do is shovel in yet another piece of cake. Please understand this and accept it, it is not meant to hurt your feelings or insult your cooking in any way.