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Saturday, May 14, 2005

Remember when.......

When I was in 10th grade, I sat behind the rudest most irritating guy in Health class. I absolutely couldn't stand him. He would always sit sideways in his seat, with his arm directly down the horizontal center of my desk. It would just drive me nuts. He was an absolute perv too, so I would never say anything to him, ever. I was afraid he would embarrass me by saying something crude or nasty. Which, he did that anyway, so it didn't really make a difference. I can look back on that now, and see it in a different way then I did at the time. At the time, I just was so embarrassed of anything even remotely sexual. I just didn't want anyone to even think of me in that way. All of those feelings, however, were a direct result of the constant negativity I received from my family about sex. I can remember having mixed emotions about wanting to look pretty. I wanted so badly to be attractive, yet, at the same time, I felt like I was committing a horrible sin because I was "asking for trouble", as my hideous mother would constantly put it. In her mind, she was totally convinced that I was some kind of a seductive temptress. But, that's an entirely different story, and one day maybe I will cover that. Today just isn't that day. :)

Anyway, I went to Wal Mart this morning to get some PMS medicine, and as I was walking up to the store I glanced over at someone who had caught my attention from the corner of my eye. There was a guy just standing in a parking space and staring over at me. I glanced in such a way that he was unable to tell that I had seen him, but it was the guy who sat in front of me in that 10th grade Health class. And, do you know what happened? I felt an instant wave of that same old embarrassed and shy feeling I used to get every time he would walk into the room and sit down in front of me. I couldn't believe it. I kept right on going right up to the store and didn't even look back. I have to say, it did make me wonder if he recognized me at all. I was dying to know why he was just standing there, staring at me. But, I guess I'll never know. :o What's life without a little mystery.

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