I was just thinking.....

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How was my day? Let me tell you....

Friday, January 30, 2009

Rockin' Roberta

A pint sized pixie with the temper of a hell cat.....

That would be Rockin' Roberta.

Up until today, I had never seen her get mad before. I didn't think it was even possible, to be honest. Mild mannered, nasal voiced, easy going Roberta... But, oh yes, Rockin' Roberta does indeed get mad!

In her usual 'in your face' manner Stretch hit the store full force today. From the minute she got there she was like a sales glutton, snatching up every customer who graced our front step. When she wasn't stealing customers she was knit picking Roberta's every last moved.

I could practically hear the snap as the final straw hit Roberta's back causing her to instantly cut loose and unleash a wrath on Stretch that had even me wincing and cowering in the corner like a scolded puppy.

Way to go Roberta!!

Thursday, January 29, 2009


I failed my first test today. I'm so upset!

They bring a teacher in who has never been a teacher before and expect her to teach? This is not cool....

Well, at least I know what to expect next time.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Those who can, do, those who can't, teach.....

The more I sit in his class, the more I realize Mr. White String is a complete buffoon.

After the jump drive fiasco last week, I decided to hit the bookstore this morning and get a drive with more storage space. This time I was going to be prepared!

As usual, Mr. WS was 5 minutes late for class leaving me enough time, or so I thought, to tear open the packaging and get a peek at the drive.

I couldn't have been more mistaken.

Upon discovering I needed a jack-hammer to pry my way into this thing, I cried out in frustration and ripped at the plastic with my teeth. Naturally, it was wasted effort on my part.

It was at about this point that Mr. WS lumbered his way down the hall and removed his Horatio Cain sunglasses at the classroom door.

"Am I late?" he laughed, his huge belly bouncing up and down.

No response.

"Do you have any scissors?" I piped up when we got into the room.

"I have no idea. What do you need scissors for?" He was standing at his desk staring in my direction.

"To cut," I could hear sarcasm in my voice. I immediately chastised myself inwardly.

"I've got a knife, I always carry a blade," Mr. WS was digging into his front pocket.

"A blade?? Good lord, are we that scary you need to carry a little protection?" I laughed, I couldn't help it. I was being a total bitch. "Or, is that for when you catch someone stealing your lunch?"

"You never know when you might need a pocket knife," Mr. WS was laughing, but I'm certain I embarrassed him. Other women in class were now snickering and making comments. Picking up my jump drive, he sliced the end of the package open and proceeded to drop both my jump drive and his knife on my desk where it then bounced onto the floor.

Thank God he isn't a surgeon.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Misguided Shoppers and their Frumpy Friends

Why, oh WHY do people trust the opinion of the fashion victim friend over the fashionably chic sales girl at retail stores???


What on earth makes you think that they, the woman who looks like she has just rolled out of bed, placed a bowl on her head and cut her own hair, is going to be able to give you any sort of advice worth following? About the only thing you will skillfully learn is how to consume the most food at a buffet style restaurant, the best place to buy mumu style tops, and the secret to cramming a 400lb body into the cab of an s-10 truck.

I waited on a woman last night who easily looked 10 years older then she was. The reason? Her severe hairstyle and frumpy clothes. I soon learned why this woman chose to do this to herself. Her shopping partner, a woman who could have given the Crypt Keeper a run for his money, a woman who didn't even wear a bra that day and openly admitted it at the fitting room, was her sole inlet for fashion advice.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Personal comfort zone..... INVADED

I had Mr. White String's class again today.....

Thankfully, no string. But, my comfort zone was soon challenged, once again, in class.

About a million years ago I bought my first jump drive. Up until now, it has always been more than large enough to accomodate any of my classes.

Until today.

The first task in class today was to copy several files of information to our jump drives so we would be able to bring our work home with us and have all the information necessary at hand. As I was right in the middle of my download the window popped up telling me I didn't have enough storage space to house the info. Feeling like an idiot, I brought this to the attention of Mr. White String who, incidently, came right over to my desk with his giant belly hovering within mere milimeters of me. His left hand was grasping the back of my chair, his right hand grasping my mouse.

I could feel his breath on my cheek has he told me my jump drive must be pretty old because he hadn't seen one with such limited storage space in a loooooooooooooong time.

If I could have, I would have crawled into a crack and disappeared.

From that point forward he made it a point to make eye contact with me throughout the rest of the lecture.

I think he may feel I am a moron.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

How many branches are on your family tree?

"What do you think of this dress," a teenage girl asked her mom outside the fitting room. I had been standing with the mom, talking.

"Absolutely not!" Mom was not happy. The dress was easily 2 sizes too small and way to short for her. "It's already impossible to keep those boys from sniffing around between those legs."

Did I really hear her correctly? Good lord...... I knew right then and there I was dealing with a redneck family.

"Uncle Tom would like this dress," the girl laughed.

"Uncle Tom would be lying on the floor," Mom replied, still sounding irritated.

"We would both be lying on the floor, panting like dogs," the girl laughed even harder.

Panting like dogs? What kind of a family is this?? I looked at Stretch, she looked at me, and we both cringed.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Latest Men's Fashion Accessory

Today's instructor certainly didn't leave home without it!

Because the regular instructor is still out on leave, we started the new semester today with a new instructor. An instructor, by my observation, who has not actually seen his penis in many years.

Which leads to the point of my post today.

As I sat at my computer and listened to his lecture I couldn't help but stare at the white fuzzy string that had strategically static clinged itself to his crotch. It was almost impossible not to stare, the contrast between the black slacks and the white yarn made it impossible to look away from.

I wanted desperately to to bring his attention to his unwanted fashion accessory, but God forbid, the last thing on earth that I wanted was for anyone to know I had been staring at this guy's crotch. Ugh!

In the end I didn't say a word. I sure hope that, at some point during the day, he catches a view of himself in a full length mirror.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Purple Sweater

Like usual, Stretch was in my face and underfoot last night as I rang up my last customer. Part way through her items I came across a purple sweater that did not have a tag attached.

"I'm going to have to go grab an item with a tag to scan," I commented and smiled at the customer.

"What for?" Stretch barked from over my shoulder.

"This item does not have a tag, I'll be right back," I choked out in my most polite, fake smiling tone.

"I'll grab one, you just keep ringing," she stated, turning on her heel and leaving my side.

I finished scanning the rest of the customers merchandise and pulled out a dress bag when Stretch returned.

"Ok, scan this one," with the sweater in her hand, she held the tag under the scanner as I totaled out the sale. Without a thought, I let stretch bag up the merchandise while I tendered the sale and thanked the customer for shopping with us.

Several hours passed and I was in the back doing a little cleaning when Stretched approached me asking me what I did with the purple sweater.

"I didn't do anything with the purple sweater. You bagged up the purchase. Why?" I knew the minute she asked me where the sweater was that she had mistakenly bagged up both sweaters.

"I can't find it out on the floor," she replied, suddenly quieted.

"Oh, do you think you may have mistakenly bagged it up with the rest of that purchase?" I could hear a hint of vindication in my voice. Inwardly I was smiling with glee at the thought she had made such a huge mistake.

"Oh crap. Maybe she'll bring it back," I could hear a hesitation in her voice, she was trying to make the situation appear to be lighter than it was, like it wasn't such a big deal.

"I doubt it," turning my back to her I went back to my cleaning.

I can't help but wonder what is going to come out of all this. Will Stretch ever be made responsible for her error? I know I'm not going to rat her out, but, sometimes these things have a way of coming to light. And, if it does come to light, will I somehow be implicated because it is my name and number on the sales receipt?

I'm just going to have to wait and see.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

The woman who brings the most items to the fitting room.....

is always the woman who ends leaving the store with nothing but a clearance piece of jewelry.

Do they not know how much of a pain in the ass it is to run around the store finding the various items they need only to discover they have no intentions of buying any of it?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

When did I watch a Robert De Niro movie?

I had a dream last night that I was romantically involved with Robert De Niro.

Good Lord......

I awoke this morning just as we were sharing a tender embrace in a restuarant somewhere. I can think of better ways to start my day then having Robert De Niro's face burned into my memory banks.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Something I've learned.....

When it comes to sales, scruples are out the window.

I can honestly say Stretch is not my favorite manager to work with. The other employees getting along with her really well..... It must be just me. If I have to take another day of her hovering over me I'm going to go insane.

My biggest disappointment yesterday came when she stole my customer. She literally stole my customer right out of the fitting room! I almost died when I returned to the customers fitting room to see how she was doing only to discover Stretch knocking on her door, yelling out "How's it going in there?"

It must have burned her right up when we did the final reports yesterday and I ended up selling $30 more then she did for the day.

She's the stores top seller, after all.

I'm getting the feeling that Stretch may be viewing me as competition. Which, I can assure you, this job is by no means anything I would consider long term. It bothered her, the other day, when she asked me what I did at my previous job and I told her I was in management. The look on her face said it all when I told her I had only worked in management for 8 years though because the prior 3 and a half were spent working for purchasing.

I could read her like a book. Her guard went up immediately.

She took a step back, crossed her arms, and immediately changed the subject. From that point on she has knit picked my every last move.

Thank God I'm only part time; and, thank God I don't work with her a whole lot.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

May I help you find anything?

I have officially had a the customer from hell and survived to tell about it.

Imagine my horror when the dirty old grisled man walked into the store and my manager said "Why don't you see if you can help this guy?"


So, with a smile on my face, I approached him and introduced myself, asking him if he could use a little help. "My wife is looking for a size 12 dress," he stated. For the next 10 minutes I proceeded to show him several dresses for which he had a million problems with. Too fancy, too short, too many colors.....

The final determination made by Horrible Old Man was that all of our dresses were "crap".

Crap or not, I was able to sell him a dress and get one hell of a response out of him. One of our requirements when ringing a customer's purchase up is to enter their phone number at the start of the transaction.

Upon asking Horrible Old Man what his phone number was he responded, "Why, are you going to call me up later and ask me out on a date?"

I thought I was going to die.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Sales Person Extrordinaire

I have found myself a part-time job in a women's clothing store.

I think I'm in 7th heaven...... Not only do I get paid to ogle clothes and give my unsolicited fashion advice, I also get a 40% discount on anything I decide to buy. What could be better?

While I now have a whole host of new topics to blog about I also have a personal quandry that I face.

The Blog

My handbook openly advises against employees maintaining blogs stating employees project a certain image inside and outside the store, any behaviors that sully the stores image are strictly forbidden.

So, as of today, I am officially an underground blog that will have to reside in absolute anonymity. I certainly don't plan on not blogging anymore.......

I am disappointed though, at having to go anonymous, now I won't be able to show off my goofy kids and the latest pics.

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