A Day in the Life of Sherri

Scene: Zachary, Thomas, and I are sitting in Subway, eating subs for dinner. (I've recently gotten onto a 'healthier living kick'. Thursday used to be pizza night, it is now Subway night.)

• Zachary {talking with mouth full} Are you 32 mom?
• Sherri {pulling hair out by the root trying to get Thomas to sit still and eat} Yes, I am. Why do you ask?
• Zachary {taking humongous bite of sandwich then proceeding to talk once again with his mouth full} Because your old. Are you going to die?
• Sherri {mouth agape} Am I going to die? I'm not that old. {shooting Zachary look} Quit talking with your mouth full.
• Thomas {mayonnaise all over the outside of his mouth} You're old mom? {this phrase is repeated several times}
• Sherri {looking at Thomas} Yes, Thomas, your mom is old. Zach, do you suppose you could help me to my walker? It's time to change my depends.
• Zach {laughing} You're funny.
• Sherri {sticking tongue out} The best thing about getting old is bossing your kids around.

The scene ends as the woman sitting in the booth next to us starts to laugh, and agrees with me. We parents have got to stick together!

2nd Job

After a ton of thought, I've decided to get a second job. Believe me, it's definitely not something I want to do, but it is something that has to be done. I always assumed Charlie would be the one to get a second job if the situation arose, or the funds were required.

I have come to the conclusion that this won't be happening. I'm disappointed, in a way, that he hasn't stepped up to the plate. He should be the one taking that responsibility, not me.

I've given so much thought to this topic, it's always at the back of my mind. I worry about money, constantly. I worry about not having enough, I worry about how I spend it, I worry about how I don't spend it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not penniless, I've got a new house and a decent vehicle, when and if I need things I'm always able to buy them. I just don't have a savings.

At the moment, I really feel a strong urge to have a savings. Hence, 2nd job. With the 2nd job I would bank all earnings I've made and keep it in savings.

At least, that's the plan at the moment.

Revenge of the June Bug

I awoke this morning to a scratching noise, a tickle on my finger, and chills running up my spine as I realized a June Bug was crawling on my finger, the hard shell scraping against the wall.

This is exactly the reason why I hate those fricking things!!!

Screaming at the top of my lungs, whipping my hand around in the air trying like hell to shake the horrible creature from my finger, I ended up waking the entire house.

Not a good way to start your day.

Excuse me while I enjoy the cool air.....

Yes, that is correct. After 4 months of me complaining about the snow, and cold, and lack of sun I'm here to complain about the heat!

Imagine that!!

It has been so darned hot and muggy here, great for my hair, bad for my make up. I thought for sure I was going to melt into the folding chairs at Megan's (Charlie's niece) open house today, thank God the festivities took place beneath a tent. I get so envious when I attend these things, they've got their whole lives still ahead of them. I secretly pray they don't make the same mistakes I've made, and that they truly enjoy their life.

I was in the midst of one of these thoughts when we happened across Bill and Judy, Megan's grandparents, Charlie's former boss. Such incredibly nice people. Standing there, reintroducing the boys to each of them once again while they marveled at how big they were getting, Judy commented aloud on something that left me speechless.

"Sherri, you've got such a beautiful family," she said. It left me speechless. Not once had I ever thought of my family as beautiful. I smiled, and thanked her for her kind words.

But it made me hurt, inside. I felt horrible and rotten, I wanted to see my family in the same way that she seen them. Instantly I was berating myself for being overly critical, overly compulsive about perfection, overly concerned about what others thought.

Because, as I stood there, looking at the same people she was looking at, I was seeing Charlie wearing work jeans and a t-shirt with fishing lures screen printed on it. I had scolded him on the way there for not wearing a decent outfit. Zach was unconsciously pushing me out of his way so he could stand next to his Dad, forcing Thomas and myself to stand behind everyone. I looked down at Thomas and seen a shy, pouting little boy hiding his face in my leg. It was already understood that he would be clinging to me for dear life, sucking every last ounce of life out of me before we left.

Thankfully you can't see all that in a smile.

Anyway, on with the post! After I peeled myself from the folding chairs at the open house, Charlie mentioned he should set up the air conditioner today. One of my gifts for my birthday was a window unit air conditioner that would go in my bedroom.

Definitely one of the best gifts I could get.

As most of you know I get really overheated when the weather turns warm. I can't wait until tonight, nothing like a nice cool nights sleep.

I've Been Traumatized

The scream that was heard across the nation originated at my very desk, this morning. Not only once, or twice, but several times. I'm actually a nervous wreck now.

The old spider in the sleeve trick.

I arrive at work this morning and discover the left sleeve of my smock has been tied in a knot, and a fake spider placed inside.

How lame is that? Like I am going to be scared of a fake spider!

Now, if he really wanted to get me, he would have put a live June Bug in there, I can't stand those things!!! Ugh!!!

What's YOUR stripper name?

Just call me Montana Leather Ridge. ;)


For those of you who have been dying to know what your stripper name would be, you finally have an answer!!



Follow the instructions to find your new name.

Once you have your new name, leave me a comment so I know what to call you from now on.



1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = Fantasia
b = Chesty
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blazex = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade



2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glit z
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber



3. Use the third letter of your last name to determ ine the second half of your new last name:

a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice

In today's production managers meeting

• It was demonstrated why the airforce men's hats were called the 'C' caps. (I'm still shocked by this one! LOL!!)
• The definitions of slut, hussy, skank, bitch, saucy, and c*** were clarified using the Revised Edition Websters Dictionary located in the front office. (point of interest - c*** is not listed in the dictionary but everything else was.
• Debate ensued after the comment "Aren't all women like that?" immediately followed the Websters definition of 'bitch'.
• It was decided that the only part of the production day that was not a miserable, soul draining, punishment of hell was the morning production managers meetings. (The only 45 minutes of sanity you'll have all day, I believe it was referred to as.)
• Lastly, never trust a woman named 'Coondog Mary'. Important lesson there folks. (Trust me, you don't want to know the details there.)

What can I say, as of late, the meetings have all gone south. All I can say is, too much work, not enough vacation, we're all antsy for this long holiday weekend.

1 more day to go!

Question of the Day

Is there ever an appropriate time to use the word C***. (Or, as we referred to it in this mornings production managers meeting, the 'C' word.)

Oddly enough, this sparked quite an interesting discussion this morning. Several of us had said absolutely not, a few had said in rare instances they would be tempted.

What do you think, I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

Another though we pondered was equivalents. If Bitch is the equivalent to Bastard, what would be the equivalent to the 'C' word? Perhaps, Pr*ck?

One interesting note, apparently there is a complimentary non derogative way the 'C' word can be used, as stated by one of the production managers. When asked to make this statement, he declined. Imagine that. LOL!!

Reason Number 632 Why I'm Scum Mom of the Year

At 3:40 this afternoon I remember I was supposed to pick my son up from school at 3:00. Ugh!!!!

Thank God he's such a forgiving boy.

Alzheimers' Eye Test

Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...





How many?




WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.

READ IT AGAIN !

Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.

The brain cannot process "OF". Anyone who counts all 6 on the first try is a genius, 3 is normal, 4 is quite rare.



Hmmm.... I must be quite rare, because, I counted 4. So, tell me, how did you do?

What a kid....

My oldest son has gotten himself kicked off the bus, he called a 3rd grade girl an f****** b****.

I'm horrified, actually. He chose to do so on my birthday, he chuckled when he told me, and didn't really think it was a big deal. I just can't believe it, sometimes, that I raised him to become this way! I'm embarrassed!

It doesn't really stop there.

So, last weekend, I see a pair of underwear lying in the middle of my front yard. My front yard! People have been driving past my house all day and there is a pair of underwear lying right in the center of my yard.

"Why is there underwear in the front yard?" I ask, looking directly at Zach. I just knew they were his.

"They were in the grill, I thought I threw them in the garbage, the dog must have gotten them," Charlie says. Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, the grill that you are at this very moment cooking on??

"What were they doing in the grill???" I'm losing my patience as I see Zach giggling.

"I threw them out my window and they fell in the grill." What the hell???? Why would he throw a pair of underwear out his window???

I'm at a loss, I have no idea what has become of this kid! Everyday it's something new. Today I enter his room and find several of my CD's lying all over his floor. And, I'm not talking about CD's in cases either, just disk on carpet. Ugh!! I wanted to kill him.

He gets so angry about his brother taking his stuff, yet he feels no problems whatsoever going into my closet and taking my personal belongings.

At times, I would like to just kick his ass, swear to God. He should be thankful I'm not like that!

The older I get......

the harder it is to go to work on zero sleep with a hangover.

Because of the inclement weather on Thursday, Charlie had gotten rained out at work and ended up coming home early! I got to go out after all!

As soon as he got home I started getting ready. The plans? We were going out to dinner at Big Buck Brewery, then have a few beers at Timothy's Pub. Let me tell you, THAT was an experience.

Dinner went so well, I was actually beginning to wonder if Charlie had become abducted by pod people. No rude comments, no horrendous manners, he even shaved and dressed up for the occasion. (He wore his charcoal grey slacks and a black button front shirt. I haven't seen him wear this outfit since the last funeral we went to!)

With dinner over, it was time to make our way to Timothy's. We arrived at 8:30, found our table, and ordered a couple of beers. The place was filling up fast, the band would be starting in a half hour.

That's when the loud mouth arrived. This guy was so irritating I was literally on the edge of my seat watching him as he pissed off one person at a time throughout the entire bar. He must have been an insurance salesman, he continually talked about money, and how people never are prepared for the inevitable. And he was loud!

Around 3 beers into the night the loud mouth sees a really thin, fairly pretty girl enter the bar and get a draft beer from the bar. With nowhere to sit, she stands in the doorway behind me and leans into the wall to watch the band. (She knew the band, I'm fairly certain, because later on in the evening she had gone up and hugged a couple of the members.) So, loudmouth, who is sitting one table over from me, says to the girl "hey baby, how about you come on over here and give me a lap dance like you did the other night."

I almost died! She pretended not to hear him, so he says it again, only this time louder! Everyone at the table with him is staring right at her. At this point she casually turns, still acting as if she didn't hear him, and walks in toward the dance floor, sitting on the edge of the table where the band had set up camp.

And this was just the beginning.

He had continued on as the evening progressed by offering to let the waitress sit on his lap because she looked like she needed a break. He had told one woman, right in front of her boyfriend/husband, he would like to try her out for the evening. I had even caught him looking at me a couple of times (thank God I had Charlie there), I had no idea what to do, so I just smiled and turned to look at the band.

The one thing that bothered me most about that man, he had a great big giant wedding band on his finger. I couldn't help but feel sorry for his wife.

The band itself wasn't the best. They slaughtered so many songs, I almost couldn't even watch them. If it wasn't for the singer chick constantly making an ass of herself, I probably wouldn't have. At several points in the evening, while in the midst of a song, she literally pulled her skirt up to her armpits. Seriously. The skirt itself touched the floor, so, it wasn't like she was showing anything, but, get real! Who does something like that in the middle of a song?

Then she sang a Janice Joplin song and it was awesome! I couldn't believe it! If they would have just stuck with the music they could do, it would have been a whole lot better.

Needless to say, I had a really good time on my birthday, probably one of the funnest days I've had in a long time. Thanks to all of you guys who had wished me a happy birthday, it worked!!

Guess Who's Blogging from Home!?!

Yep, that's right, I am!!

Because I have the entire day to just do whatever the heck I want, I've decided to catch up on everything I have been slacking on.

Let's see, so far I've.....

- Finally handed in the million and one rolls of film that have been collecting dust all over my house. (14 rolls, to be exact)

- Finally gotten my rear brakes fixed. Word to the wise, when you know they are bad, fix them then. When the mechanic smiled at me, telling me words could not describe how terrible my rear brakes looked, advising I actually look at what he is talking about, I knew he assumed I was a clueless woman. Shame on me!

- Finally gotten my computer fixed! Thank the lord!!!

- Finally picked up a new paint roller to finish my upstairs hall. I've only been promising myself for the past week that I would stop at Lowe's and pick one up.


As far as birthdays go, this one has actually been a pretty decent one. Jessica (don't you just love this woman!) called me up bright and early this morning to wish me a happy birthday!

I was sitting in the waiting room at the Muffler Man watching while the smiling mechanic pried the mangled remains of my brake hardware from my Jeep and shook his head at every discovery he encountered when the angry man in the red pick up truck peeled into the driveway.

What happened next was actually very comical. The door flies open and he walks over to the counter. As the mechanic guy steps in through the door to the garage the angry man yells out "Who's the owner of this place?"

"Vance is," replies the mechanic, who, by now, has made it to her perch behind the counter.

"Well then, Vance is in for a law suit, you make sure you tell him the next time you see him!" The angry man then proceeds to go into great detail how he had been ripped off, scammed, lied to, and overcharged. I was hanging on the edge of my seat waiting for what would come next, my eyes glued to the scene.

Apparently it was this Vance person who had actually done the work on his truck! Kind of makes me rethink my decision to go there to have work done. LOL!!!

So, after the man blows his top, he thanks the mechanic for his time, then wishes him a good day.

Definitely something you don't get to see everyday!

13 Points of Wisdom

1. I like you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

32 Candles for Me

Yes, that's correct, I'll be turning 32 tomorrow, believe it or not. Most of the time I still feel like a teenager, then I see my kids and realize I'm most certainly not. LOL!!

I had the most awesome day yesterday, so good I didn't dare blog about it, for fear of jinxing myself. It started with the visit from the corporate purchasing manager. He was absolutely thrilled with my metrics and reports that I had created for my areas. I was so excited! He had even asked me if I had gotten with my counterparts in the other facilities to pass along what I had created and develop some best practices.

Dare I say I love getting recognition for my hard work?? It sure does feel good.

So, with the corporate purchasing manager visit completed, I had only to worry about the customer visit that was also scheduled for yesterday, which went off as planned as well. Another excellent customer audit under my belt, if I may brag.

Lastly, I had my dentist appointment yesterday afternoon, another great check up, 4 cleanings now without a cavity. As my dentist stated yesterday, "oh, we have another perfect visit from you. Looking great, keep it up!"

I love days like that! Too bad they can't all be so great.

So, on with the birthday ramblings. I show up for work today and see helium balloons floating from above my desk. The girls had all pitched in and bought a huge veggie platter, Mary made a huge pan of marshmallow topped brownies, and I was serenaded all the way to my desk. I thought I was going to die. Embarrassed as hell, but, it was so sweet, I loved it. I purposely took tomorrow off as a vacation day so I wouldn't have to deal with stuff, and, the scums! The did it anyway, one day early.

And, contrary to popular belief, I do not plan to spend my vacation day tomorrow skinny dipping. (This theory courtesy of the production managers from this mornings production managers meeting.)

One note to remember: When purchasing a veggie platter, it is not a good idea to put horseradish dip in there. Ack! I'll be breathing fire for the next two weeks.

I have so much more to write about, I'll have to save it for another time, this post has become quite lengthy. I'll just leave you with one last thought.

It's really amazing how one act of kindness can totally make your day, just a small token of friendship can mean more then anything else that happens that day. The sad thing about all that, the one person who should be doing stuff like that for me (my husband) will be the one person who doesn't do any of that for me. I can guarantee you, as I'm sitting here typing this, that tomorrow I will spend the day by myself, I will not receive any flowers, I will not receive a gift of any kind, Charlie will not come home from work before 8:00 pm, and I will be depressed as hell because I mean so little to the people I should mean so much too.

Hopefully you all will remember that last little tidbit of information and take it to heart.

Beware of the Elderly Drivers

Have I mentioned before that Helen and I share the same birthdate? Such an odd twist of fate, don't you think?

Anyway, on with the story. I find out this morning that Helen went in to get her drivers license renewed last Friday and failed the vision screening. As she was telling me, I suddenly remembered a visibly shaken floor person who had stopped by one day last winter asking if Helen had made it to work ok. Apparently, on that day, Helen had totally disregarded a red light and cruised right through like she owned the road. The visibly shaken floor person? She had been nearly t-boned by Helen in the process. I didn't have the heart to say a thing to Helen, as far as I could tell, she hadn't even noticed a thing.

Now I know why. She really didn't see a thing.


A word to the wise, if you see a dark teal Buick Riviera barreling your way, steer clear.


Update: Helen's eye appointment did not go well, she will be losing her driving privileges as of 5-18-06 until she gets catarac surgery.

The Truth is out. Who would have believed it?

You Are 92% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

How Evil Are You?

One of Those Days

I'm having a bad day. I've been having a LOT of bad days lately, I just can't seem to get a handle on things. So much stress.

Sometimes, I just wish I could run away and hide.

Everyone depends so much on me, it becomes overwhelming. I was fine today until I got to work, I should have just stayed home. So far, if it can go wrong, it has gone wrong, and I'm stuck right in the middle of everything.

I just wish that I wasn't the person everyone relies on to make things better. It's just too hard, I can't do everything by myself, yet I have no help.

The Results are In

An overwhelming 70% of you out there have requested to hear about the my experience as I peered through Helen's snapshots.

Be prepared.

• Helen is a pack rat. There is absolutely no doubt about it. The first picture I happened to see was of her living room, and, I swear to God, she had a bed set up in her living room. When I asked about the bed, she began to tell me about the room that she can no longer use because the floor is caving in and the foundation is crumbling. From what I understand, she was told the value of her home is so low, nobody would finance her for the repairs. (She did tell me the value of her home, and, to tell the truth, after seeing pictures, I'm shocked it's not condemned.)
• All of Helen's sons have been in prison for one reason or another, one is currently still there. Oddly enough, according to Helen, they have all been imprisoned unjustly. (Even the one that is currently locked up for breaking into a man's house and nearly beating him to death. Apparently, her son had been teased and provoked by this guy. Hmmmm......)
• Helen's husband was WELL endowed by mother nature. (In Helen's own words.) beaming with pride, she handed me a photo of him in a speedo, and proceeded to tell me all the woman were after him, she was very lucky that he chose only her to be with. Let me just say, this photo left nothing to the imagination. If I may indulge one last fact, Helen still wears her husbands wedding ring on a chain around her neck. The ring size? It's a size 22.
• Lastly, I just wanted to add, I really like working with Helen. She's a sweet person who definitely keeps me on my toes with her odd behaviors and bizarre stories she tells, but, after seeing these photos, I can really understand her unusual and often times irritating personality. (For instance, today she returned back from break, the front of her smock wet. She had spilled syrup all over it while she ate her french toast sticks, and proceeded to tell me a 10 minute story about it. Yikes!) She has not had an easy life. I have to give her a ton of credit.

Fashion Victim Awareness 101

Let this be a lesson to all you women out there, at some point, the Daisy Dukes are no longer attractive!

Things Not to Say During Sex

• I have to poop.
• Smile for the camera!
• Get off me, I'll do it myself!
• This is your first time..... right?
• You're almost as good as my ex!
• When is it supposed to feel good?
• I thought YOU had the keys to the handcuffs!
• I was so horny tonight I would have taken a sheep home.
• Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper.
• Hey! My friends are right. You are good!
• On second thought, lets turn the light off.
• I'm sobering up and you're getting ugly!
• But, everybody looks funny naked!
• Do I have to pay for this?
• No! You're too fat to be on top. You'd kill me!
• Actually, your sister 'likes' it like this.
• What's your name again?
• Hold on, let me change the channel.
• It's nice being in bed with someone I don't have to inflate.
• Uhhh.... I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.

Thought for the Day

Life is just one damned thing after another.

Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)


I have come to believe that there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel, never a means to an end, never a final culmination, life is merely an ongoing saga of great highs and lows forever coming.

One of my greatest goals in adulthood was to live a comfortable life and be happy. You have no idea how hard a goal this is to achieve! I long for the day that is stress free, the day that I don't feel a mountain of responsibility on my shoulders, the day where I can just open my eyes and be happy with my life.

I often wonder if it's just me.

I was a horrible mother today. I was trying to get ready for work this morning and Thomas was irritating the heck out of me. After yelling down the stairs and asking Zachary to make Thomas a bowl of cereal, I continued on getting ready for work. I could hear Thomas whining down stairs, and Zachary being mean to him. I totally lost it.

I did one thing I promised myself I would never do.

I yelled at Zachary, really yelled at him, for not taking care of his brother. I told him I expect him to help out, when I ask him to do something, I expected him to do it. I continued on by yelling that we had to leave the house in 10 minutes and Thomas was still without breakfast, and not dressed. I went back upstairs, finished getting ready, and when I returned back downstairs Thomas was good to go.

It wasn't until just a few minutes ago that I had realized what I had done, and now I feel terrible. It is my firm belief that siblings should not be responsible for the care of younger ones. That's what parents are for, I'm the one who decided I wanted another baby, Thomas is my responsibility, and I completely forced my 11 year old son to carry my weight.

I feel like I make so many mistakes with parenthood. It's not easy learning everything from scratch, at times like this, I sure wish my Grandma was still alive.

What's the most embarrassing thing to happen to you today?

Me? Why, I put a quarter in the coin operated feminine hygiene product dispenser, it crashed to the floor, crushing my foot, pads and tampons flew everywhere. Now I'm limping.

Try explaining that one on the 'reporting a work place accident' form.

10 Things I'm thankful for

1. Allergy medicine - At the moment, I would be lost without it
2. My eyesight - especially since I nearly blinded myself, AGAIN, with my mascara wand this morning.
3. Baby wipes - otherwise Thomas would have shown up at daycare this morning with a red kool-aid mustache.
4. The telephone on my desk - when I see people headed my way that I don't want to talk to, I just pick it up and pretend I'm engrossed in conversation.
5. Mountain Dew - I'm so addicted I should belong to a support group.
6. My closed toe sandals - I searched high and low, finally finding them at Fashion Bug on Sunday!
7. Sunshine - It's so nice to finally have it back!
8. Email - It's a million times easier to send a scathing email and get your point across then beat around the bush for a half hour on the telephone dancing around the issue.
9. Revenge - there is nothing more satisfying then knowing someone who has wronged you has received their just desserts.
10. Self Tanning Lotion - without it, I would surely have spent yet another year going by the nick name of Casper. (My personal recommendation, Healthy Body Glow.)

Just a little side note, I was in the front office talking with Bill about our birthdays. (He just had one, mine's next week.) My work place nemesis overhears the conversation and says very loudly, "That's how old you are?? That's all?? I thought you were way older then me, you're not! I'm older then you, you look so much older!" I wanted to kill her. So, now I'm plagued with thoughts of how I look. Do I look really old? Was she just saying that because every fiber of her being is jealous of me?

I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone if I look old. I'm beginning to really despise my work place nemesis. She doesn't brush her teeth, dresses and lives like a filthy scum, and yet she seems to know exactly which buttons to push.

Can you believe......

that Crazy Office Supply Julie actually used an email conversation, entirely focused on her breast size, from her 'secret married boyfriend' to demonstrate how to save email corespondence in a special folder to me???

I almost died. She even went so far as to print the thing out and hand it to me! I couldn't get out of the front office fast enough.

Birthday Card

I received a birthday card from my mom a few days age. I couldn't really bring myself to open it until last night, though. I hate it when I get anything from her.

There was no return address on the card, just a note on the back side of the envelope that said money enclosed. (Brilliant, isn't she.) On the inside, just a card, a $20 bill, and air. No greeting, no signature, no nothing.

As I was standing there, looking at the card, I realized something kind of disturbing. I have no feelings what-so-ever for this woman. I no longer hate her with every fiber of my being. I haven't felt love for her in years. I don't even feel a connection with her out of familial bond.

And the plot thickens.....

After an hour and a half of tortureous back breaking havoc, I gave up. The rails that were delivered with my bed would not fit into the headboard and footboard, that was all there was to it. I've put beds together before, I know what reasonable force is required to assemble a fricken bed. These rails just don't go to this bed, no if's or and's about it.

By the end Charlie and I had gotten into a knock down, drag out fight that left me in crying hysterics in the down stairs bathroom. Not a good thing.

Strike one!

I made up my mind this morning and called the furniture store where I purchased the set. I explained to the guy that I had tried for an hour and a half to get this bed put together, and it just wasn't happening. He then told me he was not the sales guy who sold me the set, I would have to wait until he arrived to settle things.

Strike two!

When the sales man returned my call he began by telling me different options I had available to me. (Options like 'I don't necessarily need to use the headboard footboard/I can put the bed on a metal frame in the interim/we can change out the rails with metal cheapies in the interim'.) This set off an immediate red flag. I then inquire about the color difference. I make a reference to the fact that I don't feel the rails that were sent actually went to that particular headboard and footboard.

He blew up, raised his voice, and stated "I am not a liar!"

Strike Three!

He did lie to me. I could absolutely tell by his response that he had been planning to pull a fast one on me, I busted him when the rails would not even fit in the head/footboards, and he did not like it one bit.

Not to brag, or anything, but I do feel one of my strong points is communication. I am an expert at sounding calm, cool, collected. I know all the appropriate returns and responses. I was in excellent form today. In a calm yet matter-of-fact response, I merely stated "I am only stating a fact. I have put a million beds together in my days. After an hour and a half of trying to put this bed together it still remains on my floor unassembled. The rails do not match this set."

Silence on the other end of the phone.

"If possible, I would like to just return the entire set. Would this be an issue?" I had changed the direction of the conversation and taken command. He had agreed that I should return the set, that the delivery people would be out to get it tomorrow. I then ask if I need to come to the office to pick up my refund.

No joke, this guy actually said "Now, I'm not trying to swindle you out of anything or anything......" and basically told me the money would need to come from the Grayling office and hopefully he would have the check for me tomorrow. I was in shock. He really believed I would allow for them to pick up the bed and not refund me my money back?? There was a tone of disbelief in my voice.

"So, what you're saying is, I should let you come and take away a piece of furniture that I have made payment in full for, and not expect to get my money back until you receive it at your office?"

"No, no.... I don't foresee any issues with this. I'm sure I can get the money back from the Graying office, I will be able to send it out with the driver that picks up the set."

When I had ended the conversation, at 9:15 this morning, he had stated that he would call me back with confirmation of this deal. It is now 11:22, I have not heard a single peep from Jack.

I am not surprised.

As a result of all this termoil, I was notified by one of my receiving girls that I looked very tired today, in fact, she's never seen me look so horrible. How nice is that?? Gotta love those brutally honest people out there, don't ya.

And the delivery man finally arrived.....

Part 1

So, the man from the furniture store calls me today to let me know my headboard, footboard, and rails have arrived for my new bed.

One catch.

The color of the rails does not match the color on the headboard and footboard. Do I mind?

Duh!! Of course I mind, I shelled out $749 dollars for this thing! He then tells me that I would not be able to get matching rails until June, but, if I would like, I could use the rails that are scheduled to be delivered to my house until June and then swap.

How kind of him! (That statement meant to be stated in a tone that is dripping with sarcasm.)



Part 2

So, with the above conversation completed on the telephone, I head home to sign for the delivery that was inroute. (Mind you, the men had already left the warehouse and were driving while I was on the phone squaring away the details of the botched rails.)

Upon arrival at my home I see no furniture truck. Deciding to take it as a golden opportunity to tidy up the house a bit before they arrive, I scurry around picking up toys and shutting doors.

15 minutes go by, no sign of them.

Stepping outside, I scan down the road to see if I can see them coming. Sure enough, there they are, pulling into my neighbors driveway, backing out, and going the opposite direction from my house.

Pulling up a lawn chair, I decide to camp out on my front porch and speculate how long it will be before they realize they are going in the wrong direction. It was exactly 10 minutes before I see them totally pass my driveway, hit the brakes suddenly, then back up and stare at me.

Oh, such class!

"Is this 104?" the driver yells from the driveway. I wave them in.

When the driver climbed out from behind the wheel I was scared for my life. No lie. This guy was rough looking. Scraggly, covered in tattoos, eye patch, missing teeth, the whole package. All I could think of was 'where do they get these people? Am I going to come home from work today and find my house entirely cleaned out? Will I wake up in the middle of the night sometime to see his ugly face staring down at me?' (Ok, so, I get a little carried away at times.)

"Where's you're bedroom? Where'd ya like me to set this thing up?"

"Um, don't worry about setting it up, you can just set those right here by the door. I'll have my husband carry everything up when he gets off work."

"You sure? It's a piece of cake."

"Yah, I'm sure."

Eyeballing me from head to toe, he finally puts the headboard and footboard down on the floor by the front door.

I couldn't have been more relieved to see that truck pull out of my driveway, swear to God.

I'm obsessive Compulsive

Little things bother me in a big way. Really big way.

To say I'm a perfectionist is pretty much hitting the nail on the head. I sometimes go out of my way to force myself to be perfect.

Take painting, for example. Most people wear old clothes, put drop cloths over everything, and expect to have paint everywhere. I wish I could be that way! I would love to be that way! Alas, that is not me. When I paint a room, I'm wearing good clothes. I tape nothing off. I don't cover a thing. I have a wet rag and a dry rag, my paint supplies, and that's it. I'm in essence forcing myself to be meticulous with how I'm painting.

How insane is that?

Right now I'm bothered. Really bothered. About stupid stuff, I just can't help but be bothered about it, either. The bank has made an error on one of my accounts and I can't even get in there to take care of it! It's literally bugging the heck right out of me, and I don't have the time to go in and have it taken care of until after work!! So, here I sit, fretting about the stupid bank error, probably for the next 6 hours, driving myself crazy.

Ugh!!

Just a funny for the day

Why is it when you look your worst, you see everyone you've ever known in your life?

I totally splurged on myself and my husband last weekend. I love income tax refund checks!

Saturday had started out to be a pretty terrible day. Charlie and I had gotten into an argument over something he had said, and I really wasn't in the mood to shop. Which, in thinking about it now, is the BEST time for me to shop. I'm crabby, to the point, and not willing to take any crap from anyone.

Let's just say, I got some really good deals on Saturday.

We started our journey looking for a decent, good quality, mattress and box spring set. After 3 stores I had finally found exactly what I was looking for, on sale, and the guy even waived the sales tax. I am wise to his little scheme, however. He had stated to us that the mattress sets we were looking at were on clearance, the new series was due to arrive within the next month. So, he went back to his computer to fetch a clearance price and let me know that only one queen set was left in the warehouse. (At this point, I still had not told him I was interested in purchasing the set.) I thought about it for a while, as he watched us walk about the store looking at headboards and such, and finally told him I was going to purchase the set. Amazingly enough, the final price for the 'clearance' mattress set happened to be the exact same sale price that was listed on the tag, imagine that! Really, the only thing he did was deduct the sales tax off. Now, I'm not complaining in the least, that was and extra $50 I didn't have to spend, but, how stupid did he think I was??

We ended up with a pillow top Sealy Posturpedic, out the door at $649. Excellent deal!! The equivalent set at one of the first stores we stopped at listed it at $1200.

The second bargain came at the first furniture store we stopped at. I had really liked a headboard they had displayed on sale, and didn't see anything else that had even remotely caught my eye. So, I went back. Upon my return I discovered the sales guys hungry for business and willing to wheel and deal until they sold me something. So, still cranky and arguing with my husband, I went in there with one purpose. To get the best deal I could possibly get on the headboard I wanted.

And I did! $742 for a solid oak headboard, foot board, and rails.

Naturally, as you can imagine, I couldn't just stop there. I had to have all new bedding too! I'm totally in love with this new set, too. It's a light taupe brushed suede (soft as a cloud) comforter with matching sheets and pillow shams. I've never had anything so nice before, I don't even want my kids anywhere near my bed!

Sunday, Charlie suggested to complement the new room, would I like to paint it and pretty it up a bit. He's never offered to help me, ever, so I jumped on it. All day yesterday we painted, wall papered, cleaned. It looks fabulous in there. I'm just so thrilled. I went with burgundy walls and an almond oil ceiling. Very sharp, and it just goes beautifully with my new bedding. I'm definitely going to have to take some pictures and post them. It turned out so well!

Oh, I totally forgot what I had started writing this about!

When you look your worst, you see everyone! On Sunday I decided not to do a thing with my appearance, I was just painting anyway. So, I take a shower, get dressed, and head to the store to pick up paint.

Wouldn't you know it, I see a million people! Every single one of them wanting to stand around and chit chat! I wanted to die. A 10 minute trip into Lowe's took an hour and 20 minutes.

Let's just hope I don't end up in some fashion magazine somewhere with a black bar across my eyes.