15 Years Old in Sault Ste. Marie

In the production managers meeting today we discussed a lot of things, one being the below story. It's amazing to sit back and think about the stupid stuff I've done over the years, I'm amazed that I ever made it through my teen years, actually.

When I was 15 years old one of my best friends had moved up to the Sault. My parents and her parents were still very good friends so periodically they would come south or we would go north for a visit. The following story happens to be a story of one of the visits.

I was 15 years old, Dana was 14, my brother was 13, and Cody was 12. We pretty much felt we ruled the town of Sault Ste. Marie. We had walked across town to hang out in a laundromat that had a pool table, this seemed to be a cool thing to do at the time. While we were there, a few of the local thugs around our age showed up as well. Being the bright and intelligent kids we were, we immediately befriended them and decided to leave and go to one of their houses.

It was a dive. It was so nasty, and it smelled like garbage. None of us cared, we were going to be drinking beer and hanging out.

So, there we are, drinking old stale beer that I'm positive had sat out in the sun for a month in the back yard, hanging out with derelicts of society. We were having a ball. Finally it was getting close to curfew time, Dana and I and our brothers started the long treck back across town to Dana's house. Inebriated, somewhat sick to our stomachs, and obnoxious, we walked and walked and walked.

Then I had to pee. I could feel my bladder on the brink of exploding, I was seeing yellow, I could hear a rush of water in my ears, and we were in the middle of a neighborhood with no bathroom in sight for blocks. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to not piss myself.

As a last resort, we walked up to a church that had big full bushes next to the back door. Everyone stood watch while I peed behind the bushes at the back door of a church.

I still remember how horrible I felt as I stepped out from behind those bushes, thinking to myself, 'OMG, God is going to punish me big time for this, I've defecated on holy land. Just don't look back, just don't look back, if you look back, that church is going to burst into flames or something.'

What were they?

Julie, Sandy, and I all huddled around a silver serving tray that was just loaded with pastel colored cupcake papers, each containing a white square of what appeared to be Jello. It was not Jello.

Because she lost the bet, Sandy was forced to try the gelatinous substance made by Norm's wife. Coconut flavored knox gelatin.

Seeing Sandy try one of his wife's deserts, Norm asks Sandy "Well, how do you like it?"

Wide eyed and unable to think, Sandy says "Very interesting. Interesting. Interesting consistency." Each of us trying like heck to not laugh.

A Day in the Life of Sherri

Scene: The Potluck.

• Sherri {peering about the room} Thank God, someone took the time to place the meats and cheeses on trays.
• Julie {pointing to weird little white squares in cup cake papers} Check this out girlfriend. What the hell is this?
• Sherri {wrinkling nose} Who knows. {bread on sub bun rips apart, dropping lettuce on her lap} My bun fell apart! OMG! What the hell, I can't eat a meal without wearing at least a portion of it?
• Randy {giving the evil eye} There's nothing wrong with my buns.
• Mary {winking at Randy} Awwww..... Randy, you do have some sexy buns. Come on over here and sit next to me big guy.
• Julie {sipping her drink} Sherri, you're outta control, man. Look what you've started.
• Sherri {laughing} I was going to comment about the hot sauce. I think I'll wait until this dies down.
• Randy {ears perked} Did I hear hot sauce??

Just what exactly were the white squares of crap in the cup cake papers?? Did Randy ever get to discuss the hot sauce? Stay tuned to find out.

The Potluck

I am not a fan of pot luck get togethers. I just don't trust other peoples cleanliness.

When I originally signed up for this I thought, how in the heck can you screw up a 'sub sandwich' potluck? I mean, the meat comes in bags, you place it on a tray, pick it up with tongs, you're good to go.

I'm worried now. Apparently the area that is actually pulling this potluck together has no interest in setting it up at all. They plan to just throw everything together on the table and have a free for all. I'm not so sure I want to eat a sandwich made out of ingredients that 20 other people have touched in the process of making their sandwich. Ugh!

And, I'm grossed out by Helen's onion breath, grossed out to the point that I don't want to use her platter that she brought in. She's handled in a million times now, and, I've seen her lick her fingers before to separate papers, so, her saliva is undoubtedly on these trays....

Note to self: Quit signing up for potlucks in other peoples areas. Unless they are pizza luncheons.

Give that woman a tic tac!

Helen has onion breath, big time. You can smell it from a mile a way.

I must be PMS'ing.....

because everything in the entire world is driving me crazy!!

Production Manager Requirement - Heart of Stone

I've made one of my receiving girls cry this morning. I don't actually feel bad about it either.

Yesterday just before the walk through, I told the girls we would be audited within the next few minutes and be prepared. I requested Audrey have a part ready, one that did not have any receiving issues, in preparation of us viewing the process.

Well, the audit is underway, and I request we view Audrey during the receipt process. I'm horrified by what I see. She has a Pepsi sitting out and her desk is a sty. Here we are, all huddled around her desk, and I'm totally embarrassed.

The plant manager pulls me aside and says he happened to notice the Pepsi sitting out. Yikes!

So, I made the decision this morning to make the girls clean their desks off. I told them I did not want to see anything sitting out that was not directly related with the process at hand, whatever it happened to be that they were working. It did not go well. I didn't think it would, but, I was prepared for the discussion.

The girls were immediately offended. One of them had the nerve to tell me she didn't have any place to put her files. I told her she would have to put them in her filing cabinet. She countered that her filing cabinet was full. Trying not to be abrasive, I had to bite my tongue, but I told her point blank she had to take her personal items out of the filing cabinet and use it for its originally intended purpose.

She stared, mouth agape.

A Day in the Life of Sherri

Scene: Customer Audit. Spicegirl, Plant Manager, 2 members of a potential customer, Business Manager, and myself standing in the receiving department. Spicegirl is introducing me and the area.

Through the corner of my eye I see one of the potential customers checking me out, head to toe, more than once. I have no choice but to act like I don't notice a thing, he's standing right next to me.

The scene begins after I have given my presentation, and the crowd has moved on.

• Julie - Hey girlfriend! I saw that guy checking out your action!
• Sherri - OMG! I knew I wasn't imagining that! I was in shock!
• Julie - I kept thinking, you go girl, strut that stuff! {laughter from all}
• Sherri - You think he got a good enough look?? I mean, after the 4th time he checked me out from head to toe I considered asking him if he needed me to move so he could get a better look. {more laughter}
• Julie - I was thinking about asking him myself.
• Helen - {in a somewhat sultry type voice} Step into my parlor, said the spider to the fly......
• Sherri - So, what exactly are you trying to say Helen?? {hands on hips, smiling}
• Helen - The lure of eye candy, it's an amazing thing. {sly smile, laughter from all 3}

Stay tuned for more exciting updates into Sherri's day!

Crazy Office Supply Julie

I have to wonder why she even bothered with the pretense of wearing a top under her sweater. I can still see her entire breasts, so, it's not like it's covering anything. She may as well have just showed up with the cardigan sweater and nothing else. In fact, she may have been able to pull that one off a lot better then the low v-neck spaghetti strap lace tank top that literally exposes everything but the nipple. Good Lord, I can see underarm cleavage. Ack!

Perhaps she borrowed the red lace tank top from Spicegirl?



***In other news***

Last night, while I was at the sap house, Matt Jones shows up with Phil James. I haven't seen Matt in like 18 years, it was unreal. At first I wasn't sure if he recognized me or not, so I didn't say anything.

I was talking with Rick and Phil when he asked "So, how's Sherri doing?" All eyes were on us! Swear to God.

"You know each other?" Phil asked, totally shocked. Now, I can't understand why it would be so shocking that 2 people the same age may know each other.

"Yeah, we went to school together," I replied.

"It's been a while, jeez, what's it been?" Matt looked at me searching for a time frame from the last time we had seen each other.

"At least 18 years," I couldn't really believe it had been that long myself, but, it had. I moved downstate in the 11th grade.

I can't help but wonder what he thought as he seen me for the first time since high school. Have I aged well? Has my personality changed? Have I lived up to the expectations that were set back then? Do I live better then was expected? I wonder about it all.

I remember the first time I had seen Jessica in a really long time she said to me "You haven't changed a bit!" That was the best comment I could have received. :D

Ever get the feeling........

that somebody is watching you???

Blah

I decided to check on the Western Union money I sent to out for my brother last Wednesday. Not only have I NOT heard from him, he has also NOT picked the money up either. It totally pisses me off. I could just kill him.

Last Friday was the Rocky Horror Show event. Lots of fun! We picked our tickets up at the window (I had purchased them way in advance) and I ended up with great seats. 4th row, seat 3 and 4. Charlie had no idea what he was in for, he had never seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show, ever.

Speaking of which, in the movie, who is the actor that played Frank 'n Furter?? I've been wracking my brain trying to remember. I think it was a singer.

So the play was excellent, got a standing ovation. I was only mildly moist from the squirt guns when we left, and I got the opportunity of a lifetime to Time Warp with Rif Raf in the isle while Frank 'n Furter kissed a bald man at the end of the play. Yikes!


Helen Moment of the Day: I have just been informed that Helen totally ran a red light this morning on the way to work. She didn't even hesitate as she flew through, totally scaring the heck out of one of the girls who work materials. Note to self, never ride in a vehicle being driven by Helen. (Perhaps the reflected light from her 'Bling' distracted her while driving??)

And the bad luck cycle begins

Whenever I have anything to do with my family I'm shrouded in a cloud of bad luck. Swear to God. I cringe when I get a phone call from any of them.

So, last night I received a phone call from my brother. I had been thinking about him recently, it had been a while since I had heard from him last, normally, when I don't hear from him, things are going well. When I do hear from him, he needs something.

Last night I got the dreaded phone call from my brother. He has quit his job in Florida, moved to Tennessee to be closer to his kids, is living in his truck, is without a job, and asking me to western union him some money. "Only 50 bucks Sherri" he says. Ok, so, in reality, I'm actually out $75, $25 for the fee to wire the money, and $50 that he is asking for. This is money that I will never see again. I know this. He promised to pay it back, but I know I will never see it again. In fact, I probably won't even hear from him for the next month or two either.

I am left here to wonder is he still living in his truck? Did he ever get the money? Did he find a job?

What's worse, I took money from my already limited budget and sent it to him. Money that is supposed to go toward my propane bill. So, in essence, because he is a dumb fuck who thinks only of himself, I go without. It pisses me off to no end!!

I wish I could feel good about giving him the money, but I don't. I just want to kill him. He had a good job, he was making more money than I do, and the only person he had to worry about supporting was himself. His excuse for quitting his job? "I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I was tired of working there anyway..... I wanted to be closer to my kids." Ok, here's the deal. His ex is married and has 2 kids with her new husband. What the hell?? My brother cheated on her, left her high and dry for someone else, even after all that the ex wanted to take him back and he said he didn't love her. Now he's trying to wrangle his way back in??? I'm ashamed to call him my brother at the moment.



(Good God, Helen is driving me nuts this morning. Eating with her mouth open, trying to engage me in conversation every 30 seconds, and, I'm really not in a very cheery mood.)

What's your new name??

So, here's the scoop. We all found out what our new names are, don't forget to tell me yours. :D

Sherri - Crusty Dippindunkin
Julie - Booby Pottybreath
Helen - Booby Dippinpants
Joe - Crusty Vinyllips
John - Farcus Pottytush
Spicegirl - Sloopy Pottytush


The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y =dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j =honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

The Pinky Ring Guy

Is back! I'm bugged by his pinky rings! One is in the shape of a horse shoe, the other is black onyx with a little diamond in it. Maybe it's a southern thing, he's from South Carolina?

Do men even wear pinky rings anymore??

What's grosser then gross?

No, it's not the fact that they put mushrooms on my sandwich, even though, that is pretty gross.

We had a managers luncheon today in the training room, it was great. Everyone chatting, having fun. Then I look down and see the most disgusting thing.

Someone had clipped their toe nails in the training room and left them laying on the floor by my feet! I'm talking major clippings too! Whoever the previous owner of these toe nails was must have used a hack saw to cut these bad boys. Yikes!

Production Managers Gone Wild

It was decided today that we all need to go on a Production Managers field trip to the UP and do a little smelt dipping.

From what I understand, it's a wild time. Between the fist fights and stone throwing, people actually do catch smelt. LOL

Tradition is for the first smelt caught, if it is a man catching the smelt, he is to bite off the head, throw the head in the river and put the rest of the fish in his pocket. For women, a slightly different tradition, women are supposed to raise their shirts and flash everyone. It has been decided, however, that we start our own tradition as well. The men will be wearing gold speedos and the women will be wearing rawhide bras.

Hey, if we're going to do this thing, we've gotta do it right!

On the Helen front: Helen is decked right out today. Charm bracelet, black tatted choker, silver beaded necklace containing 3 crosses, butterfly ankle bracelet, and lets not forget the RED SPOT ON HER NECK! Which, she adamantly denies to be a hickey!

"You're lucky you aren't my wife..."

Mr. Golddigger was just back here in need of assistance with the CMM.

He soooo totally thinks he's a ladies man. I think not! There is just something about a balding graying chauvinist that kills the image, I hate to say.

So, Mr. Golddigger goes to turn on the CMM and comments on the dust. Mind you, the CMM hasn't been used in over a year, naturally it's going to be dusty under the cover. He wipes one finger across the surface place, shows me the dust, and says "you're lucky you aren't my wife, or, we'd have issues." I was appalled! What an ass!

Firstly, we would not be married, ever. Secondly, why would it be my responsibility solely to keep a house dusted? He's got hands.

Unrelated side note: Julie was just telling us about watching a segment on Nightline that centered around bed bugs. Apparently, they're back, and in force. I'm grossing out just thinking about it.

Another Day in the Life of Sherri.....

And the day began with Julie standing by Sherri's desk, telling Sherri and Helen all about her weekend.

• Julie {smiling} Check out this action, girlfriend. Got my mom into the retirement apartments last weekend.
• Sherri {looking up from her print} Really!! All right! I'll bet your mom was so excited, finally on her own again. How did it go?
• Julie {peeking over wall to see if Joe is sitting there, discovering he is, then continues in a whisper} They are very strict over there. It's a good thing, really. Gotta keep an eye on those elderly. {Laughing smugly, totally piquing Sherri's interest.}
• Helen {finishing up phone conversation, hanging up receiver} Did your mom get her new couch?
• Julie {Lowering voice yet again} Oh yah, we got her all moved in last weekend. Big action, I'm telling you. While we were there, they hauled this old guy off in hand cuffs.
• Sherri {loudly exclaiming} OMG! No Way!
• Julie {Big smile} Yes way!
• Helen {concerned for the old guy} Is he ok?
• Sherri {not concerned for the old guy} What did he do????? Did you find out?????
• Julie {tapping toe on floor, tapping fingernails on desk} Apparently, the maid found a baggy of pot in his trash. She turned him in. Turns out, this guy had over a pound of pot in his apartment.
• Sherri {loudly exclaiming} OMG! No way!! This happened while your mom was there? What did she do?
• Julie {smiling} She decided he was using it for medicinal purposes and that was that.

Stay tuned tomorrow to find out what was on Helen's neck, and, did she in fact have a 'hot date' on Saturday.

Rufus Lives!

I've been promising a picture of Rufus for everyone, so, here he is! Cute little bugger isn't he? :D

I would have posted one sooner, but the computer has been acting up, again, not quite sure what is exactly wrong with it, it just does it from time to time. (As you recall in December I took it in to have it looked at and the techie guy said there wasn't anything wrong with it.)

Thanks to everyone who wished me well, I do feel 100% better. I'm finally starting to shake this sinus thing that I've had for the past week.

I did manage to hit the best sale at Kohl's yesterday! I ended up with a stuffed gorilla for Thomas, a pair of sunglasses, and 2 tops for under $50 total! Gotta love those 'one day only' sales! Although, it does make me wonder, if I can buy stuff for 60% off, and they can afford to sell it at that, just what exactly is the mark up on that stuff?? 

Give that man a chopstick in the eye

And the honor of having his eye pierced with a chopstick goes to...... (drum roll)

'Normal', the health and safety representative, for being the biggest idiot on the face of the planet.

Normal, if you are going to quote MIOSHA standards to me, you should at least be familiar with them, putz.

****

Hope you all have a wonderfull weekend. My home computer is acting up again, for the life of me I can't understand what's wrong with that thing, so, I'll have to catch up with you all on Monday.

Words of wisdom from one of my receivers just now "Go home, get yourself a hot tottie, a hot body, and go to bed." :D

(yeah, I'm still not feeling well, I'll have to make sure I follow her advice)

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said
that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and
screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more.

She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and
screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

Another day in the life of Sherri.....

As the scene unfolds, Sherri is just arriving at work. Helen and Julie are industriously working away at their desks.

• Sherri - {taking off coat, turning on computer} Hey you guys. What's up?
• Julie - {looking up from print, smiles} Not much girlfriend. Hey, Helen's got something for you.
• Sherri - {nervous as to what Helen has now} Really, whatcha got Helen?
• Helen - {Beaming smile from ear to ear} I got some green beads for you on St. Patrick's day. I gave some to Julie and Linda too. {Helen pops up out of her chair and removes a strand of green mardi gras beads from her neck, placing them on Sherri.}
• Sherri - {laughing} I hope you're not expecting me to flash you for the mardi gras beads. {Laughter from Sherri, Helen, and Julie}
• Joe - {paperball flies from over wall, top portion of Joe's head appears over wall} If you do, let me know.
• Sherri - {flashing an up-to-no-good smile at Joe} So, how was your hot date with Helen last night?? {Julie and Sherri laugh}
• Helen - {acting coy} I had fun. It was a wonderful service. {One hand casually playing with her strand of green beads.}
• Joe - {Shaking head, turning red} You guys are too much. {Laughter from all}
• Sherri - {leaning in to hear the scoop} So, Helen, how was the date with your man friend??
• Helen - {portraying a brilliant act of innocence} It was very nice. I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek when he dropped me off.
• Julie - You go Helen. Gotta keep up that action.

Stay tuned for more exciting action in 'A Day in the Life of Sherri'.

The Color Test

Go here and tell me how you did.

A Day in the Life of Sherri.......

(Joe had made a comment in yesterdays production managers meeting about how it's like a real life soap opera on my side of the wall, totally gave me a light bulb moment! LOL)

In today's episode of 'A Day in the Life of Sherri.....', we find Sherri, Helen, and Julie sitting at their desks, industriously working away.

• Sherri {looking up from the spreadsheet she's reviewing} You're all dressed up today Helen {Smiles big, evil glint in her eye} So, you have a hot date tonight?? {raising eyebrows, inwardly laughing}
• Helen {straight faced and matter of factly} Yes, I do. My man friend and I are attending a church function.
• Julie {looking up from the pcb she's inspecting, sly smile on her face as well} That Helen, man, she knows where the action is. {Sherri and Julie laugh, Helen smiles and shakes her head yes}
• Helen {throwing her nose up in the air in an indignant gesture} They keep coming back, so, I must make them happy. {spontaneous laughter erupts from all. Paperball flies over wall from Joe, his signal that he wants us to know he's there, possibly that he's heard more then he wants to hear.}
• Sherri {directing comment at Joe} Hey scum.
• Joe {directing comment to Sherri} Good morning to you too.

Will Helen go all the way on her Hot Date?? Will Joe hear all the juicy details as Sherri and Julie pry them out of Helen?? Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion tomorrow!

It's Speedo Time!!!

I couldn't be happier if I'd won the lotto!

The unwanted house guest is going home today!!! Thank God!

Swear to God, last night, 11:00 pm, I sent Charlie downstairs to get me some cold medication, I felt like crap, and I certainly didn't want the asshole to see me in my nightgown. 30 minutes later, Charlie comes back upstairs, unwanted house guest was sitting, in the dark, in my chair, smoking a cigarette in my house. What the hell??

I blew up at him. Nightgown and all, I trucked my butt down the stairs and asked him why he insisted on disrespecting me and my rules in my house. I also asked him why he would even consider being an imposition on me when he knew damn well I didn't feel well, and who in the hell just shows up and stays with someone without even asking. Then I told him the real reason why he can never get us on the phone is because nobody wants anything to do with him, and, btw, it pisses the fucking hell right out of me that someone can be so disrespectful that they continue to park in my parking spot, sleep in my chair, smoke in my house, and call me 'Grumpy'.

He just looks at me, half assed pulled himself out of my chair, and says "Well, guess it's time for me to go."

"Yes, it's time for you to go." With that, I turned, and trucked my butt back up the stairs.

And, in the end, it was Mr. Bean

I've been in such a funk, but I'm starting to come back to myself. :D

Yesterday when I showed up for work I found my desk in a complete shambles. My smock was stuffed with shredded paper and a cardboard cut out of Mr. Bean's face was sitting atop it. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen! I almost died. It looked like a scarecrow sitting there.

Thank God Joe has such a good spirit......

Apparently I wasn't the only person who had had fun with Joe's desk on Friday. People everywhere were popping out of the wood work to tell me what they had added, naturally this was after Joe had sought revenge on my desk.

I've saved the Mr. Bean for future use, however. He may come in handy.

It could be worse, but it could be a whole lot better

My unwanted house guest is still at my house. The boss went home on Sunday, but the unwanted house guest called his wife and said he was staying until tomorrow. He apparently feels that he needs to help Charlie out at the sap house. Good grief! It's not even time to start the maple syrup thing. We've got a good week before the weather is right.

So this morning, while I was getting ready for work, Charlie comes in the bathroom and shuts the door. He looks at me and just shakes his head. Our unwanted house guest has decided that, because we've gotten a couple of inches of snow last night, he's going to stay a couple more days. Charlie has been an absolute fricking ass the past couple of days because of our house guest. It's not fair for him to take out his frustrations on me. He's not my friend, I didn't invite him to stay with us, I can't help it he doesn't have the balls to tell him to leave. I don't even want to go home anymore. A person's home is supposed to be their safe haven, my home has become a hell.

I'm going to end up blowing up. I've done it before. Mary is surprised I haven't blown up yet. I think I've just given up. Have you ever gotten to that point where you just absolutely give up?? Its a sad feeling, actually, when you realize you've just given completely up. I'm also still not feeling well. I've had this sinus thing going on, and I'm totally miserable. This morning I noticed a sore spot in my arm pit, it's like a swollen lump. I have no idea what the heck is going on. I'm a little freaked out by it. Ugh!!

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Those would be the immortal words of my grandma. And, today, I have nothing nice to say.

But, I have one very horrible observation to make.

My jeep smells like a gross shoe. Ack! I just pray to God that I don't smell like a foot after I have driven somewhere in it.

And a friend shows up out of the blue

The unwanted house guest has invited his boss up to stay as well!!! No amount of words can convey just how pissed off I am at the moment.

Humongous Argument #1 - This morning after the house guests leave for breakfast. I'm pissed off about them smoking in my house. There WILL NOT be anymore smoking in my house.

*Did you happen to notice how Thomas and I weren't invited to breakfast?? Just thought I would add that little bit.

Sherri and her gang of thugs....

....Strike Again!!!

Joe took a vacation day today.

Big mistake!!

I have completely buried his desk in a mound of shredded paper. I can't wait to see his face on Monday!

One of the engineers referred to me as an "evil little girl".

Mwah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha (maniacal laughter)

'Normal' the Health and Safety Representative

Maybe I'm just crabby today, or maybe this guy is a complete joke.

He pulls everyone in for the annual refresher today, naturally trying to be all suave and sophistication. The man can't say a 3 syllable word properly to save his soul! My intellect was begging for mercy, my mind was screaming for help.

3 of the other production managers and myself were sitting in the row of chairs along the wall. Here we are, supposedly the pinnacle of professionalism, the examples to the masses, and J was chucking mini paper wads at me, K was laughing, and R was trying like hell to just make it through the presentation.

How on earth did they chose this guy for this position?

The House Guest from Hell

So the house guest from hell showed up last night, unannounced, and walked right into my house. No need to knock when you own the place I suppose.

God this guy pisses me off!

Already he has taken my parking spot in the driveway, he's taken over my chair that I always sit in, and he's begun calling me grumpy.

I just can't imagine why I would be grumpy??

I needed to get up in the night last night, my head was hurting so bad I couldn't sleep anymore. Halfway down the stairs I remember he's sleeping on a cot in the computer room, so I turn around and head back up the stairs. I can't even walk around in my own house when I want to. God forbid I go into the living room and turn on the TV and disturb his sleep.

Asshole!

I have no idea how long he's going to be here, either. He wasn't supposed to even be here until sometime tonight. All I can say is, Charlie had better keep this guy out of my hair. The frost laws are in effect so Charlie isn't working at the moment, he'll be spending most of his time out at the sap house getting ready for the maple syrup thing.

Additional side note: Helen went to a celtic concert last night with one of her man friends and has had very little sleep. I'm now stuck listening to a cd she bought at this concert. I must have been an axe murderer in my past life to be subjected to such cruel punishment in this life. LOL

Interesting Helen Fact # 53

Just in case of emergency, Helen carries an extra pair of panties in her purse.

How do I know this???

They fell out today when she went to hand me a piece of hard candy!! (I did not eat the hard candy, btw.)

Cheese!!!!!

I'm just the cutest thing ever! 

Rufus is going to be OK!

Thank God!! He's limping a little, but he seems to be just fine.

And The Day Begins

I didn't sleep well last night, in fact, if I'm lucky, I got about 3 hours of sleep. My throat was so sore, and my sinuses just hurt so bad. I hate it when I'm not feeling well.

Then Charlie tells me one of his friends is coming up to stay with us this weekend, probably through the week. I hate this guy!! I hate even thinking about this guy!! I don't want him anywhere near my house. He shows up whenever he feels like it and absolutely takes over when he's here. The last time he was here he said to me "This is Charlie's house, not yours, quit your bitching." I absolutely lost it. I yelled at him. 'Hmmmm..... that's funny. The last time I looked, my name was on the deed. Oddly enough, I didn't see yours there. I suggest you be careful what you say, or, this may be your last trip up here.' I'm embarrassed to admit, but I am an ungratious host when he is staying with us. I just wish to God Charlie would tell this guy he is unwelcome. He comments about how I never cook, and when I do cook it's not edible, and he is so fricking nosy. I know he goes through our stuff when we're at work.

So, I get ready for work, and the kids and I pile into the jeep to head for daycare. I put it in gear and begin to back up. Almost immediately I hear a dog yelp, I had backed up about 3 feet. I see Charlie's head pop out the utility room door, he's waving and yelling at me to leave, to just go to work. Zach is almost out of the jeep already, I have my window down, watching Rufus limp into the utility room. I ran over my own dog! He was laying behind my jeep and I ran him over. Zach is so upset with me. I have no idea how hurt he is, or if Charlie is going to shoot him. This is just terrible.

And, to top it off, I have a sore on my tongue from eating cough drops. Joe told me it's called a canker sore. Now, how gross it that! I prefer to call it an infected taste bud, it just sounds better.

Hope everyone out there is having a much better start to their day then I.

Operation Choir Concert - Success!

Just the look on his face when he first noticed me was worth a million bucks! Immediately red! Dimples everywhere as he couldn't hide that humongous smile! I loved it.

I continue to be amazed at how the kids change from year to year. When Zach was in kindergarten, they seemed to be such a happy little bunch. Always smiling, always waving. I looked out into the group of boys and seen sullen glaring eyes peering into the audience. It cracked me up. Already they try to be rebellious and tough. I can't remember if that was how it was when I was in 6th grade.

I was also amazed at the faces I recognized in the audience. Shannon Chrisman! (Remember her Jessica??) Among others.

The audio on the audio post sucks, but, that's ok. I still had the fun of seeing the surprise on his face.

Operation Choir Concert

Zach's teacher called me yesterday, bless her soul, or I wouldn't have even known about Zach's vocal concert today. She just had an inkling that he didn't breathe a word to me, and, she was correct.

The little bugger, try to keep it a secret from me!! I've decided to take a late lunch and sit right in the front row where it will be impossible to miss me. Ha!

I'll be sure to post a special audio post just for this occasion.

Dilbert

I could soooo use one of these, Julie is driving me insane. I really am not interested in hearing about her husband/life insurance/mother at the moment. Ugh!

Of course, anything beats the cyst/boil conversation from yesterday. That was just plain nasty. Ack.

This Just In....

The UL registration lady is here today. Apparently, she was scheduled to be at Georgia Pacific this morning, and when she arrived, she was sent on her way. As of 6:00 this morning, the corporate office in Wisconsin mandated they shut their doors.

Scary stuff! That's 210 people who are now without a job.

*I don't have the entire full scoop yet, this is just the account of the UL registration lady. I did speak with one woman out on the line whose husband is an employee at Georgia Pacific. Her husband was called last night an told not to show up for work until he was notified to come back.

*For the full scoop, go here.

Customer Visit

Have you ever had a moment where you just felt like a total loser?

I arrive at work at 7:35 this morning. I totally forgot about the audit. Spicegirl calls me up at 7:40 and asks if I'm ready for the audit. 'Yes' I tell her, I'm actually totally unprepared. I'm not even dressed up. Jeans, I'm wearing fricking jeans.

And the part I grabbed as a demonstration item to show the RCP, it couldn't have been more basic if I had tried. A black wire with a connector on the end.

Ugh!! If I could rewind time I would start all over again today.

Secret Confession

I cried like a baby through most of I am Sam this afternoon. Not since I watched City of Angels have I cried while watching a movie.

Old Town Playhouse

Last night a commercial came on promoting this play, I was shocked when Charlie asked if I would be interested in going. I have never been to a production at the Old Town Playhouse before, I'm kind of excited.

I'm not really one of the cult followers of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, but I did watch it. I'm interested to see how this production goes over, several of the nights have already been sold out. That must be a good sign!

Someone turn off the sun.....

It literally hurts to open my eyes more then a crack. I'm absolutely parched, this has got to be the feeling a grape gets as it starts to become a raisin.

And I've lost my mind. I'm rambling about grapes and raisins. LOL

My oldest sons job was to clear the steps off last week, a job which he never did. Needless to say, the steps became a snow packed hazard that put your life at risk each time you ventured up or down them.

Last night I fell while walking down the steps, right butt cheek landing right on the corner of the step, right hand thrust into snow up to my elbow as I tried to break the fall. What could possibly be worse then that?? My final resting point just so happened to be a patch of yellow snow where the dog had peed.

It took every last once of strength I had not to strangle that kid.

Temporary Insanity

That's the only thing I can think of to explain why I got so fricking drunk last night!

I'm so miserable right now, I want to just die.

A light at the end of the tunnel, at last

I'm so thrilled I had to post a picture of my ecstatic face. See the snow all around me?? Hopefully soon it will be a thing of the past. It's supposed to be in the 40's all weekend! Cross your fingers for me! 

10 Things I've done this morning

1. Blinded myself in the shower with a bar of Irish Spring. (Note to self: don't rub eyes with soapy hands.)
2. Hit my forehead on the bath tub spout reaching for the wash cloth to rub the soap out of my eyes. (It's hard to navigate when your eyes are shut.)
3. Burned my elbow with my curling iron. (I have yet to figure out how that happened.)
4. Discovered Zachary has stolen my gum out of my purse. (The engineer with dragon breath could have really really used that gum!)
5. Viewed a picture of the tumor that was removed from Spicegirl. (Good God, what was I thinking??)
6. Grossed out at the sight of the tumor and the fact that after it was removed, she claims to have lost 10lbs.
7. Listened as Bill showed me his new stickwoman detection tool. (It blinks green when stickwomen are near by. LOL )
8. Laughed through the entire plant meeting.
9. I couldn't get the image of JC out of my mind after he stated to the whole production force he wore his safety glassed to bed. (He claims his wife is wild.)
10. Julie said it was probably because he can't find his d***. (LOL!!!!)

How is your name defined?

sherri -- [adjective]: Visually addictive 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

(special thanks to W.C. Jack for allowing me to steal this)

The Ear Candle Experiment

Everyone please give Zach a round of applause for allowing me to perfom todays experiment on him.
The first step in todays experiment is to strategicly place said ear candle in an upright position in the ear.
The second step is to light the ear candle and let burn until the candle is approximately 3 inches from the ear.
Third step, extinguish the flame when desired distance has been met. 

This Step Optional

For those with weak stomachs, you may want to avert your eyes. For those who don't, this is what the inside of the ear candle looked like once the experiment was complete. Can you believe that much crap came out of my 11 year olds ear?? 

Life? What life?

Overtime is upon us again, which totally sucks.

The production managers have decided to put in a request for FEMA trailers to house us in this summer, considering we will need to be available for plant support around the clock. If we're nice enough, we may be able to talk Keith into parking the bus out back as well, mini bar on wheels! Perhaps, if we're lucky, we might even be able to steal some free satellite TV from the building.

"We'd be in high cotton!" as Jim would put it.

Looks like I'm going to have to pull out the Ms. Saturday sash and crown. Ugh!

The Wicked Wife of the Midwest

I forgot to stop at the ATM yesterday and grab some cash for my husband. Good Lord, he acted like I was the most horrible person alive.


Scene: Husband walks into bathroom, carrying my purse, while I was getting ready for work.

Me: OMG! I forgot to stop and get some money. I don't have any.

Husband: It figures. I'll just go without. I always go without anyway.

Me: Now, why do you have to act that way?? I didn't do it on purpose, I forgot. {starting to get upset, tears forming.}

Husband: What are you getting all upset about, this isn't a big deal, it's nothing new to me.


Oh puh-lease!! Nothing like a little melodrama to start the day.