From the WTF files.....

Our Director of operations has leopard print hair, I kid you not.

Somewhere, somehow, he's had a die job go completely wrong. While he normally sports a thinning, greenish hued brown hair, today he has greenish brown hair with grey spots across the remainder of his thinning hair.

I can't pull my eyes away from the tragic scene!

The Piano Man

Sometimes I take for granted the people I have in my life who like me for me. My judgment becomes so clouded by the people like Dave and Charlie, I forget there are others out there who really do like me.

Like you guys, out there, the ones who read this blog. I don't say it often enough, I know, but I get a huge smile on my face every time I see a new comment. Even when I don't post I'm always out there reading what you've written, laughing when it's funny, feeling down when it's not so funny. Of all the people in the world, it's you guys who know me best. You are the ones who see my tragedies when they befall me, and my glories, and even my screw ups and embarrassing moments. And you keep coming back, which means the world to me.

It was only moments ago that I had such a revelation. I was plugging the memory thing into my computer that one of the RMA tech's had given me last week when it hit me.

Nick and I had been talking a few weeks ago and in the midst of the conversation I had stated that I loved the song 'Piano Man'. Just a harmless comment, nothing else. It had completely slipped my memory when Nick had shown up at my desk with a 512mb Ataché thing. I had smiled up at him and asked him what the heck he was up to.

Nick had stated that, in his travels on the computer, he had come across 'The Piano Man', a version that came complete with a video of a very young Billy Joel, and he immediately thought of me, and downloaded it.

I smiled, and thanked him, and immediately plugged it in to see it. It had made my day, actually.

It wasn't until just now that I realized how thoughtful that was. First, those memory things aren't cheap, and, he just gave it to me. Second, it's full of music. All of it downloaded on the same day, I'm certain it was all downloaded just for me.

And all I did was smile and thank him.

He had smiled back and said "No problem, 'putz'."

The Cookie Dough

I can't believe I'm hurt by this, but, what can I say.

Helen, Julie, and I are all sitting at my desk talking about events that happened earlier today when Dave shows up carrying a plastic grocery bag. From the bag he produces 2 tubs of cookie dough and hands Helen and Julie each a tub. He, in turn, thanks them both for being helpful to them and tells them and the cookie dough is his expression of gratitude.

So, I say, thanks a lot, I help you out too! I said it in a joking manner, but really, deep inside my feelings were hurt. It wasn't the lack of cookie dough that had hurt my feelings, because, I really could have cared less if I had gotten any or not. It was the fact that he had made such a dramatic effort to thank Helen and Julie and pretty much just blew me right off. He laughed and told me I was the manager, you can't consider that help. I almost died.

What an ass!

Wasn't it Dave who didn't even show up for his own meeting? The meeting that I held without him because it was 'our' project that we were dealing with? Am I not the person who keeps pulling his flaming ass out of the fire? Am I not the person who continually helps him research acceptability criteria and make decisions?

Not anymore, I say. Obviously he isn't appreciating my help, so, the help stops right now.

This whole incident REALLY sucks, too. I was having such a great day. I was told this morning that our independent consultants that had audited the shop were really impressed with my areas, and the plant as a whole. But, what had really excited me was the fact that they had specifically mention the inspection and receiving departments and processes were "world class".

All I can say is, what an ass Dave is for ruining my good day.

"Step into my parlor..." said the spider to the fly.

My heart nearly stopped when I looked across the inspection area into the receiving area and seen Mary kicking a big black spider across the floor.

Yes, that is correct, from 40 feet away I could literally see that it was a SPIDER she was kicking!

I was repulsed yet fascinated at the same time. Like a kid at Christmas, I found myself hopping out of my seat just to run out and look at the monstrosity.

By now it was dead, laying on the floor, in a fuzzy little brown ball, legs as big as tooth picks. I knew right then what I had to do, I had to put that thing on Joe's desk.

Sliding it onto a piece of paper, it took every ounce of courage I had just to pick it up. Visions of the hellish creature coming to life and lunging at me played before my eyes, yet somehow, I managed to make it over to his desk, spider in tow.

As luck would have it, he appeared at his desk at just the right moment, catching me in the act. We were able, however, to scare the holy hell out of Connie, who happens to be deathly afraid of spiders, so, in the end, all was not a loss.

I did get to see at least one person scream at the top of their lungs.

Sour Kraut in the Bathroom?

The ladies bathroom smells like sour kraut. For the life of me I can't imagine just why in the heck a bathroom would smell like sour kraut! Ack!!

Another day has passed by with Helen and her oily hair. I want so badly to say something to her, it's killing me not to. I just couldn't imagine letting my hair get to the condition that hers currently inhabits. I have to wonder, is there something wrong with her plumbing?

Lastly, I'm beside myself with excitement at the moment. Spicegirl has just come back to recognize me for my amazing presentation this morning with the outside auditor who has come in to review the operations. He was blown away with our processes and amazed at our organization within my areas. I love it when I come out on top and looking good!

Hope you all have an excellent day!

Have you ever had one of those days....

Where everything just seems to turn to shit? A lot of my days have been like that lately, but, it's no excuse for me to abandon my blog. I'm so sorry everyone, please forgive me.

In other news....

I am of the opinion that Helen has not washed her hair in two weeks. I've never actually seen her let her hygiene go like this before, it's grossing me out. I'm certain, if she didn't have 18 barrettes holding her hair down in various spots, it would probably fall right out of her head. Twice today I thought about 'accidentally' washing her hair at the eye wash station outside the area. It took nearly all of my will power just to force the thought out of my mind.

Let's hope tomorrow ends up being the day she breaks her greasy hair streak.

Not Again!

I can't believe it's snowing outside! It seems like only yesterday I bid farewell the last remains of winter, and here it is, back again!

Where has my summer gone?

10 Reasons Why I have been Absent from my Blog

1. Aliens abducted me, performing one hellish experiment after another until I finally made my escape, using a tube sock, a turkey baster, a roll of duct tape, and an anal probe.

2. I was trapped beneath a 500lb man named Bubba when he sat beside me on a bench at Wal Mart.

3. I had fallen and couldn't get up.

4. Disregarding my better judgment, attempting to live life on the wild side by eating bagged spinach and contracted ecoli poisoning.

5. I ate an entire bag of Cheetos, making it absolutely impossible for me to touch anything for days because of Cheeto Fingers.

6. 3 fashion magazines showed up in my mail box at the same time. In my normal compulsive manner, I immediately got down to business checking out each and every perfume sample in all 3 books.

7. The overwhelmingly powerful fumes from the perfume samples in the 3 fashion magazines caused temporary paralyses on the right side of my body.

8. The weight from the snow collapsed the power lines leaving the computer useless.

9. I joined the witness protection program to escape the unhealthy clutches of the new quality engineer.

10. I ran away, but was forced to come back.

Isn't he just the cutest?!

 

Celery Sticks and Morning Meetings

Joe and I have been sharing food items in the morning meetings.

Now, I'm not talking we are both eating from the same stick of celery or anything.

It's more or less just him offering me a stick of celery or a little bunch of grapes, or me offering him a few baby carrots and ranch. No biggie. The offer is extended to everyone, nobody else ever wants to taint their bodies with a healthy snack when they can clog their arteries with a 500 calorie cholesterol muffin.

We've been getting the all knowing 'look' from everyone. The 'look' people give you when they think they have uncovered a secret or insider knowledge. I wonder how long it will take before someone gets brave and just asks if there is something going on between us.

I find it entertaining, in a way.

On a different note:
Thanks to everyone who submitted a comment on the Pube Hair Contest post. They were all so great, you all win! I managed to collect quite a few disgruntled stares as I literally laughed my butt off at work. For anyone who wants to collect the prize, please drop me an email requesting your picture, and I would be glad to forward one.

A Section from the Helen Files

Case Study # 262: Helen Sleeps in the Nude

Certain topics should never be discussed with other individuals, especially topics that revolve around Helen and nudity.

So, there I sit, mouth agape, staring in horror, as Helen proceeds to tell me the story of how the police man had stormed their house while she was asleep one day.

Her son had a warrant for his arrest for unpaid child support and his last known address was Helen's.

Helen's husband had opened the door to let him in, from there it all went horribly wrong. The police officer went from room to room looking, needless to say, the search ended upon entering the room of the naked sleeping Helen.

I'm certain he was scarred for life.

A Burst of Color

There's just something so magical about the season...... The trees are literally bursting with color! 

Fall Photo of the Day

I love this time of the year!