You May Call Me Princess Hannah

Am I the cutest thing you've ever seen, or what??

10 Things I've redisdcovered about being a new baby's Mommy

1. Concealer doesn't actually hide the dark circles under your eyes anymore.
2. The poopy diapers are never ending.
3. That baby carrier is much heavier then you remembered.
4. People of all walks of life love babies. Even the gross unkempt ones that don't brush their teeth. Yuck!
5. The amazing feeling you get when you snuggle with that soft, sweet smelling little baby.
6. Projectile spit up is just as gross as you remembered.
7. Formula is extremely expensive!
8. The smell of baby powder makes me smile.
9. Pain killers are a new Mom's best friend.
10. Midnight feedings.

Coming Home Today!

I couldn't be happier if I tried!

I had my first true "mom" moment with Hannah last night. I had heard her rustling in her bassinet and decided to change her diaper and give her a bottle.

Little did I know that, half way through the diaper change, she would shoot poop half way across the room.

I nearly died!

I hurried and hit the nurse call button, poop was literally everywhere. The nurse came in and chuckled, explaining that Hannah had a loose stool because of the antibiotics she had been administered for bacteria build up in her blood.

I can definitely say, no matter how gross it is when a baby projectile vomits, I would a million times over rather clean up vomit then projectile poop. Egads!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

This year I'm thankful for Hannah, and I'm thankful she continues to improve each time they draw her blood. Yesterday at this time her 'billy screen' came back at 22, I was just notified that her screen from an hour ago came back at 15.

If all goes well, and she continues to keep getting better, I should be able to take her home on Saturday. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed!

Note: This is a completely horrifying picture of me, but Hannah looks so cute I couldn't resist posting. I'll be so glad when I can go home, there is just no way to rest and relax when there is a constant stream of people in and out of your room all day long.

A Turn for the Worse

Hannah has taken a turn for the worse, but she'll be just fine.

Just this morning I was packing up my stuff and getting ready to head home.....

Now it looks like I'll be here at the hospital for a few more days. This time for poor little Hannah. :(

The morning nurse had thought Hannah appeared a bit yellow so she had the lab guy draw some blood for a bilyrubin screen. Good thing she did, Hannah scored in the 20's.

I can definitely say I'm taking this a lot better then Charlie. While I'm saddened that she isn't well, and it breaks my heart to see her in the state she is in, I'm able to keep my emotions at bay.

Charlie, on the other hand, has been crying his eyes out since they hooked her up to the IV. As much as I detest him at times, one thing that will always stand out is how emotional and devoted a father he is.

Thomas is devestated that Hannah and I didn't come home today. He misses me, I miss him too.

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well.

Hi Mom!

Look how big I am!

Say Hello To Hannah

Here she is, my long awaited precious angel. I can't believe how much pain and misery one tiny little baby can put you through!

Then again, she isn't really that 'tiny', is she!

From the moment I first laid eyes on her I couldn't get over those chubby little cheeks. So cute, she looks just like a Cabbage Patch doll.

A definite far cry from Charlie's first sight of her.

In his words, as he peered over the blue tarp watching the doctor syringe the nose and mouth out, he could have sworn I was giving birth to a Chuckie doll.

I can't help buck crack up over this admission!

Hope you all enjoy the photos, and, thanks for all the well wishes and wonderful comments. They are much appreciated!!

UPDATE: SORRY FOLKS, I'VE BEEN TRYING LIKE CRAZY, BLOGGER WON'T LET ME ATTACH ANY PHOTOS. :( I PROMISE, AS SOON AS I CAN, I'LL BE POSTING SOME PICTURES!

3:00am Miseries

Just 2 more days to go........

My hips and pelvis are aching so badly at the moment I can't sleep. My only light at the end of this tunnel right now is the knowledge that I have only 2 more days of torture to endure.

My surgery is scheduled for 6:30am Monday morning, I can't wait! By 9:00 I'll be out of recovery, back in my room, and ready to relax for the rest of the day.

Plus, I'll finally have my daughter.

My Mom, White Trash at it's Finest

Words can not describe the disdain I feel for my mother. I have a hard time believing I even come from this woman, to be honest.

My little guy turns 5 next week, the 20th to be exact. Such a very important day in his life, it does make me sad to know I'll be in the hospital on his day, but this isn't the topic of my post today.

The topic of my post is my mother, and, the horrible things she does to the people in her life.

On Tuesday Thomas received his first birthday card in the mail, from my mother. Naturally, the outside of the envelope is littered with graffiti stating "don't throw out" , "money enclosed"....etc.

While I would probably toss the card out if it were addressed to me, because it is for my son, I give it to him and act all cheery, like she actually meant to give him the card out of the kindness of her heart.

I know this to not be true, however. She never does anything out of the kindness of her heart. Instead, she uses these gestures as tools of revenge and manipulation.

So Thomas opens the card and out falls $10. I smile, tell him to put the money in his pocket, and take the card from his outstretched hands. He's asking me to read it to him, he can see on the inside of the card she has written words.

I scan them over and know immediately I won't be reading to him what she has written. Instead I make something up.

"It says Happy Birthday Thomas from Grandma. Hope you have a wonderful day!" He is smiling and happy. I want to just choke my mother, because, what was actually inside this childs 5th birthday card was something that never should be inside any birthday card, let alone a 5 year old childs birthday card.

Inside this card she has written "I'm in Grant now, you're grandpa has cancer and won't live until Christmas. Here's my Floriday number" and then writes down a telephone number. Probably the 9th telephone number she has sent in the past year.

I can't help but be ticked off at her. This card was for Thomas, not me. Her comments were directed at me, not him.

This may sound horrible, but, I would rather have her just disappear from our lives never to be heard from again then to have her continue with the bullshit fake sentiments she sends from time to time.

Not only is it a waste of my time, but it's hurtful to my children.

I'm just glad she has no idea I'm having another child. I remember how angry she got when she found out I was pregnant for Thomas.....

And, no she wasn't angry because I never told her I was pregnant. She was angry because I was pregnant to begin with. A jealous anger, leading to a conversation that was full of resentment and hatred.

Thomas has only seen my mother twice in his 5 years. He doesn't even remember either time.

No baby yet, but she's coming soon!

Today was my last appointment with my OBGYN, I can't believe it's almost over! I'm excited, and scared, and kind of just beside myself with misery at the same time.

Even as I sit here typing this I can feel her moving around inside me, kicking, stretching, causing unbelievable amounts of pain at the same time.

Only 4 more days to go.........

A Week and a Half to Go......

And still so much to do!

I'm completely miserable at the moment. Not only has Hannah decided to move into a position that has put so much pressure on my hips that I can't bear to walk but she has also strategically placed a foot beneath the ribs on my left side, kicking at will and causing horrible amounts of discomfort.

This is what happens when you are forced to carry around a 10lb baby. Ugh!

Today I have to stop by MI Works! to verify I have my resume on line. In order to collect unemployment benefits and be eligible to participate in the TAA thing, I also have to verify that I've applied for 3 jobs a week until I start school.

It's going to be a giant pain in the ass!

I can't help but think to myself, why in the heck would they make you go through all that when they KNOW you will be attending classes? It is my theory that their main goal is to make it as close to impossible as they can for anyone to receive that schooling funding.

Here's the kicker: If I'm offered a job that is within a 35 mile radius that will pay 80% of what I had made I'm not allowed to turn it down. If I do, I forfeit any and all unemployment and TAA benefits I have coming to me.

It's a complete racket, but the loop holes will get me through until January, I'm certain.

Loss of Identity

Today is my official first day of..... Of what, exactly?

Am I a homemaker now? Should I refer to myself as unemployed? I haven't officially started school yet, that comes in January, so I can't call myself a student....

Funny how, over the course of one weekend, I go from full time gainfully employed to a great big question mark. This is going to take some time to get used to.

My last day of work was Friday, quite possibly one of the most miserable work days of my life. (That's quite a feat, I must say, considering how many miserable work days I've had the misfortune to endure in the past.) So many people visiting my desk to relay their goodbyes, so many tears shed as they recounted the past experiences we'd shared in our tenure together.

I never shed a single tear. I felt harsh and callous, but I refused to let Kimball break me. Instead, I cracked jokes and expressed every last bitter thought or feeling I have ever felt but kept hidden because of my job.

I have to say, it did feel pretty good.

I even told Deb I was surprised they ever left her in charge because she can't handle the pressure and freaks out at the drop of a hat.

Aaaaaahhhhhh....... talk about a weight off the shoulders.